


EarthBound Again

by PKcrumpets



Category: Mother 2: Gyiyg no Gyakushuu | EarthBound
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-06-14 23:17:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 33
Words: 27,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15399768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PKcrumpets/pseuds/PKcrumpets
Summary: Many years after the defeat of the evil Giygas, four more children are once again tasked with saving the world from evil. Once again, a motley group of protagonists will find themselves in a wacky world filled with colorful characters and wacky antics. Once again, the adventure will be earthbound... again!





	1. The Pig King Awakens

It has been proven time and time again that history is doomed to repeat itself. In the 198Xs the vile alien Giegue attacked Earth with a massive armada, bringing deth and destruction all over. After being repelled by three kids, he went insane becoming Giygas, and came back ten years later to kill once more. Once again he was stoped by kids, this time dyeing for good. However his servant Pokey Mitch escaped into the future, and he went on to terrorize the island of Nowhere Islands. Here, he was finally stopped by a kid named Lucas and his girlfriend Kumatora, his friend Duster and his dog Boney. However it has been proven time and time again that history is doomed to repeat itself... Soon, four more kids will find themselves earthbound. Again.

Somewhere underground, distant future

Porky slumbered in the capsule, dripping snot and saliva all over his uncharged spider mech. His time-warped flesh was preserved by a complex solution that filled the capsule. A bag of pork chips was dispensed every hour for the fallen pig kings consumption, so that he wouldn’t starve to death.

Suddenly the capsule began to shake. Porky woke up, looking all around.

“Shut up mom Im trying to sleep,” he grumbled scratching his mustache. Through the capsule’s window, he saw shadowy figures moving all about carressing the capsule. Suddenly a saw blade was thrust through the roof of the device, spewing sparks everywhere. Moments later the roof was removed, and the forms of several Pigmask colonol’s appeared. 

“Lord Porky! Weve come to save you!” one colonol said.

“What the heck? How did you chumps break through the Absolutely STUPID Capsul that Dr. Nutcase made???” Porky questioned.

“Oh he actually made a saw that breaks through the magic metal the ASC is made of. He made it just in case he ever wanted to experiment on you. So yeah we killed him and took the saw and now were breaking you out! The Pig King shall rise again!” The colonols all cheered, squealing loudly.

“Excellent! You guys are geting a .5% raise! But first, help me out of here!” With that command, the colonels hoisted Porky from his metallic coffin. The cold moist air of the cavern filled his lungs as he took his breath outside of the capsule.

“What will you do now, Master Porky?” a colonol inquired.

“Do you guys have that Phase Distorter still lying around?”

“Sure do. Its how we got here.”

“Great... Well, I think Im going to pay an old friend a visit. It’s been to long since we last saw each other... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Porkys laugh semed to echo through time itself.

The Pig King has awokened.


	2. A Psychic Family

It was a picturresque day in the town of Onett Eagleland. Two kids played in the front yard of a hose far up on a hill. One of them was a boy wearing a blue baseball cap and a yellow backpack and the other was a cute girl wearing a pink dress who’s long blond hair was tied in a long ponytail. The cute teenage girl laughed as rays of sunshine shone on her face, iluminating it.

“Catch Swiss!” the girl says to her borther.

“You got it Paulina!” the boy repleid. Paulina threw a baseball to Swiss who caught it with ease.

“Wow, your a pro!” the adorable Paulina said with a cute giggle.

“I know. I am dads son after all.” Swiss tossed the ball into the air several times confidence oozing from his face.

“You defiantly are my son!” A man steped out of the house. His hair was black, and he wor a black suit with a striped yellow and blue tie. It was Ness, the hero who had saved the world from the evil Gyigas many years ago. Now the only thing he was fighting were the constant barage of paperworks that his boss through at him.

“Do you still have your pro baseball skills dad? Lets find out! Catch” Swiss reared back and threw the ball at Ness, who caught it with ease.

“Ha ha, nice one son, but you’re pitch needs work.” Ness walkeded over and gave his son a pat on the head. Then he steped over and gave his cute daughter a wet kiss on the face.

“I think your pitch is great Swiss, dont listen to your father.” A blonde woman came from the house, wearing a pink dress and a red hair bow. Her D-cup breasts bounced generously as she walked toward the group with a smile. It was Paula, one of the children who had accompained Ness to kill Giygas. She had grown quite a bit since then, and she had given berth to two wonderful kids, one of which was especially cute.

“Hey honey, I’m heading to work now. Give me a goodby kiss.” Ness started toward Paula but he tripped, landing firmly between her succulent bazongers.

“Oh Ness! Not until bedtime, sweetie~”

Ness blushed and lauged as he plucked himself from between Paula’s boobs. “Geez Paula, not in front of the kids. But oh yes I can’t wait for tonight.” Ness laughed again but he soon stopped. Above him, a bright light appeared. From it a big gray sphere appeared, gleamin in the sun. It slowly came to the groudn, landing with a thunk.

From the grey sphere came Porky in a new spider mech with missile launchers on its sides and his Pigmask colonols. “Sup Ness, I’m back for revenge!” Porky said.

“Porky! Why did you come back, and why are you… old.” Ness didn’t take the time to wiat for an answer. He poped open his briefcase which contained his old bat dissassembled into two pieces.

“I just told you why Im here idiot, I want revenge for what you did to me!” Porky stuffed some chips in his mouth. “I think Ill take your little kids and make them into robot slaves, just like my last one! Especially your cute daughter.” Porky liked his lips.

“Like hell you will! I’ve been wanting to kick you’re fat ass again!” Paula busted out a frying pan. Swiss and cute Paulina took defensive stances as well.

“Spankety spankty spanktey! Here I come losers!”


	3. Foes New and Old

Porky charged forwad, sending grass into the air. He swung a leg at Ness but he doged and retalated with PK Rocking Gamma, using 48 PP. Proky was blown back landing on top of a colonol killing him instantly. Porky got back up though and fired a bunhc of missiles at the group. Paula froze them in midair with PK Freez, using 20 PP, and leaped forward onto Porky’s mech. She began beating him over the head with her pan.

As blod flew from his face, Porky reached out and gropped Paula’s D-cups. “Mm, you have nice boobies. Even better than when you were a kid.” he said. Paula became inraged and burned Porky’s face off with PK Fire Omega. But he was still alive because hes immortal.

“Morons!!!” He shouted. “You can’t kill me, I’m invincible!”

“That might be the case, but it doesnt make it less satisfying to beat the crap out of you!” Paula yelleded. She kept beating up Pokey.

Meanwhile sweet cute little Paulina found herself face-to-face with a colonol.  
“Hey girl, I know your only like fourteen but your really hot.” The Pig Mask said.

“Oh yeah, while you’re gonna be hot in a second.” She clasped her hands together and cried out. “PK Burst Alpha!” Instantly a ball of energy flew from her palms and blasted the colonol, culminaing in a large explosion. He disintegrated into ash, dyeing instantly. 

Meanwhile her brother Swiss fought another colonol. “Why don’t you just give up and die, kid? It’d make my job alot easier!” the colonol sayed.

“Never! My daddy taught me not to surrender, even when your being dominated.” He pulled out a bat from somewhere and reared back. “PK Swing Alpha!” Psycic energy cloaked his bat as he swung it forth. It hit the Pigmask with extremely hard, sending him flying into the distance.

“This is some bull,” Porky said on the verge of retreat. “You guys are way too strong, I didnt anticipate this”

“Wow, that’s a big word Porky, or should I say fatass,” Paula jeered. “Yeah, don’t come back. And if you touch my breasts again, Im blowing the rape whistle.”

As Porky and the remaining colonel’s attempted to get back into the Faze Distroter, Porky was suddenly shot through the head killing him instantly.

“MASTER PORKY!!!!!!” the colonols all shouted.

“You’re Master is dead now, lowlifes,” From the sky, a man was descending on a platform. It was equipped with all sorts of hih-tech gadgets and weapons. The man was garbbed in a crimson suit and he wore a red beanie with a stem coming out of it.

“Wait a minute,” Ness began, “your Apple Kid!”

“Silence simpleton, the one you call Apple Kid is dead,” the man said suavely. “I am Apple Man, founder of the APL Corperation. That stands for ‘Advanced Products and Logistcs’. Any way, I sensed the energy from the Phase Distorter on my radar and came to check it out. It seems I’ve finaly disposed of Porky for good as well.”

“Noooooooo! Master Porky is dead!” A colonel cried. “Whadda we do?”

“What we do best. RUN!” The colonols all ran back into the Phase Distorter and warped away to some other era.

“Apple Kid, Man! What do you want with us,” Swiss asked bravly.

Apple Man pulled out a pipe and smoked it. “My mision is to eradicate all poor people. You see I was poor once, and it was most miserble. I want to insure that that will never happen to any one ever again, so I will use my vast resorces to end there suffering early.”

Ness grit his teeth. “Thats sick and twisted! The Apple Kid I new really is dead! I’ll stop you Apple Man!!!” Ness jumped up and prepared to whack Apple man with his bat. However Apple Man activated a turret on his hover stand which targetted Ness’s head and shot him with a bullet, dealing mortal damge. His lifeless body fell to the ground and his kids and wife ran over to him.

“DAD!!!”

“NESS!!!”

“That’s right, cri. I like tears, especially when they come from a cute face like yours” he pointed to Paulina. “Any how, I must take my leave now. Tallyho.”

Apple Man flew off into the horizon. Blood pored from Nesss wounds, mixing with the tears of his family. He was truly without a doubt dead.

And so the story begins, a tragey.


	4. The Journey Begins Again

Tears fell onto Ness’ suit as his wife and kids mourned his death. They’re hands were stained with his blood, and the grass was panted crimson.

“God why, why couldnt it of been me?” Paula cried, her D-cups soaked with her tears. “I should’ve died! I should of died not Ness! Whyyyy?! WHYYYYYYY?!” She coved her face with her hands and continud to sob.

“To think he was just standing here with us a moment ago, playing base ball.” Swiss said through his sniffels. “Its not fair. It’s not fair dad…”

As her mother and brother whaled cute Paulina looked up to the sky and called out. “Jesus if your listening, please help us. Please Jesus, help us help my daddy!”

Sudenly, from the sky golden light poured down onto them. A heaveny figure emerged from the illumnation with his arms outstretched in a tpose. It was Jésus Christ himself, only he was dressed in a psychedelic robe containing hte entire color spectrum.

“Greetings my children,” said Jesus. “How can I help?”

“Oh lord please bring my husband back” Paula wept.

Rainbow Jesus stroke his beard. “Hmm ok. But when resurrecting somebody there is alway a cost. Are you willing to accept this fact,” Jesus questioned.

“Yes yes we are, please bring my dad Jesus!” Swiss yeled.

“Alright then. Shia kazing!” Jesus clapped his hands together and a big burst of light enveleoped the area. When the group looked back at Ness they saw that he was alie and well. Only there was one difference. He was a rotation phone.

“Hey kids, whatd I miss,” the revived Ness ask.

“OH HONEY YOUR ALIVE!!!!!” Paula squealed and hugged the payphone very hard. “Thank you Jesus!!!!”

“Any time” the Lord spaketh.

“Hey Jesus, one question before you go. Why are you wearing that tripy robe” Swiss inquired.

“Oh it was a gift from Joseph. I think it looks good on me. Any way, just call me if you need anything again” and with that being said, Rainbow Jesus took off back into heaven.

“Swiss Paulina, if it wasn’t apparant already there is a huge threat abound. One that could endanger all of the entire world maybe even Eagleland,” Ness said. “Because I am a phone you too will need to go on an adventure to stop Apple Mann and save the day.”

“Oh honey!!!! Please let me go with the kids i want to help them out it’ll be just like the old day” Paula plead.

“No honey, you need to stay at home and pay taxes.” Ness retorted. “As for me I will accompany you and give you any help that is necessary. Ha ha see what I did there?”

“We understand daddy,” adorable Paulina said. “You can ride in Swiss’s backpack, youll be safe there,”

“Thank you Paulina, not only are you cute your smart.,” Ness said.

“Well what’re we waiting for???? Let’s get going.” Swiss said. He grabed the revied Ness and shoved him in his backpack. “Bye mom, we’ll see you soon!”

“Goodbye kids, try not to get killed on your quest!” Paula shouted.

And with that being said, the three of them set off to foil Apple Guy’s plans and save the world from his evill.


	5. An Old Friend

Swiss and cute Paulina and Nes the flipphone made theyre way down the hill and arrived in the main town Oneet. The rays of hte comforting sun shoned on Paulina’s adorable face making her look like a supermodel.

When they got onto the street they headeded into Onett Burgers and got a bit to eat. They ordered some large double burgers and bubbble fizs soda. During there eating Paulina took a swig of her soda and belched loudly. She and Swiss had a lauh and they looked at each other lovingly. The rest of the restaurant looked on and then claped.

Finally they went outside, where there was alot of commotion. When they got outside they saw a huge robit made of wood and rusty medal. A wave flag waved form the back of its head and it had a huge fist wrapped in a white glov.

“Holy carp, it’s the Frankystein again! I fought it way back in the day it nearly killed me” Ness rattled on.

“Well if they wanted to kill you maybe they should of used a bullet turret.” Swiss said snarkily. 

From the cockpit of the rebuilt Frankenstien a young man dressed in a purple jumpsuit and latter shades. His jumpsuit had a ribcage on it reminding Swiss of a character in a cool indie game he plaied a year ago.

“Sup bitchs” the hulahoop Punk said. “Apple Man told me hed pay me one hundred million dollans if I killed you. Nothin personnel kids but I gotta do it to you.”

Swiss and Paulina prepared to fight as the Frunkystein MK. III charged forward rearing his fist wildly. The robot punched Paulina right in her sweat soft cheeks but thankfuly she use 10 PP to cast Defense Alpha on herslef. Swiss used some PP to use PK Swing Alpha on the robots outer aurmor. It created a huge dent in it’s side but unfortunately didn’t do much mor.

“Ha idiots! You’re attacks are useless useless use less“ Yes man jr. yelled. “It’s time to stop time and end you once and for all. PK TIME STOP UPSILON!” Abruptly a huge shockwave of psychic power emitted from Frankerstein, stopping time all around it. “This is the true power of PK Timestop” The machine prepared a feirce punch. “NOW DIE SWISS!!!!”

But suddenly Yes Man Sr. found himself unable to move. “What the-??? Whats happening”

“I used PK Time stop Omega just before you could punch”, said the figure right behind him. It was a blone man wearing a policecops’ uniform. It was Frank Fly, reformed fom his days as a criminal days. He was now a badass cop, ready to take in bad guys in a bad ass manner. “Using my old robot huh. Well, if it didnt work for me it won’t work for you. It’s time to take you to the slammer in style.” Franky said. He began punching the Frankystein with all of his might and before long the Frankystein was nothing but a pile of scrasps.

“WAAAAAHHHHHHGGGGG!!!!” The Frankystein was utterly defeated, dead, and the hulahoo punk went flying away.

“Wow, what happened? Who’re you mister” cute Paulina asked.

“I’m Frank. youre dad knows me.” Swiss and Paulina gasped.

“Howd you know Ness was our dad????” Swiss questioned.

“You have the same eyes. Also that little girl is so cut that I knew she could only be Ness’s son.” Franky winked at Paulina making her blush.

“Oh hey Frank” Ness said.

“Hey Ness. Im psychic now in case you were wondering. Why are you a phone,” Frank asked.

“I got killed then Jesus braught me back but I had to be a phone cause them’s da rules.”

“K,” Fred said. “Any way there’s big trouble over in Twoson, you guys should go check it out.”

“Okay, thanks Frank!” Swiss said.

And so, with the troubles of Onett behind them the gang set off for Towson were trouble was brewing big time.


	6. A Town in Terror

When Swiss, Paulina and Ness the telephono reached the town of Twoson which stood just a little ways away from Onett, they were greeted by the sight of sccreams and fire. Smoke wafted into the air, clods of demise, as innocent and not so inocent citizens ran for the hills. What were they runing from, you ask? The group quickly saw it.

A titanic machine at least fifty feet in height. It’s body was black and barrel shaped and it stood on two extra thick legs. Two arms jut from its sides and a head stood atop its body, staring down at the town with two glowing eys. On its chest were the letters APL. It was the R7037 one of Giegue’s robots resurrected from the dead by Apple Man. It’s clever new name was R7039-APL.

“ERADICATE ALL POOR PEOPLE. EASE THEIR SUFFERING, FOREVER” The machine broadcasted all over town.

“Egads! That robot is attacking Twoson” Ness exclamed.

“Thanks Captain Obvous. Also didnt we litterally just fight a robot, why is there another one,” Swiss asked cooly.

“Because APL is a technology corporation silly!” cute Paulina said cutely.

“Whatever. Let’s go beat that thing up”, Swiss yelled.

And so the two of them ran at the R7039-APL. It saw them and roared a terrifying mechanical roar which terrified those around it. Swiss and Paulina used 14 PP to cast PSI Jump which let them jump really high and jump on top of the R7038-APL. They started attacking its head with PK Swing and PK Burst dealing damage bigly. The robort didn’t not like so it fired a ton of missiles at them. Swiss and his adorable sister were blown away landing on the ground and coughing up a ton of blood. They both had one HP each and were holding on with the last fibers of they’re beings. The R7039-APL rored again and prepared to stomp them and kill them.

But suddenly a shadowy figure suddenly dashed onto the seen throwing a bunch of bombs at the robot and damaging it. As the R7039-APL stumbled back from the force of the blasts Swiss and Paulina lookeded up at their savior. It was an old man with yucky black hair wearing circlular glasses and a bowler hat. Half of his teeth were missing as he grined at the kids.

“Woah! Its Mister Everdred!” Ness said abruptly.

“That’s right talking phone, it’s me Everdred, and I’m gonan kick this robot’s ass.” Everdred said. Everdred used to be a criminal but after being beaten up by Ness he realized what was truly important in life. He stopped stealing and toching kids and touching kids as he stole and gave his life to God like the Polestar family. “I’m here to save Twoson from this satanic robot, I bet it doesnt even pray before every meal” Everdred commented.

Everdred pulled out a jetpack and flew up high, blasting the R7040-APL with a ton of bombs. It fired missles at him but they missed which Swiss found to be ironic. After a moment Everdred withdrew from his pants a long heavy shiny bazooka. 

“Let the love of Jésus pop a cap in yo but and say halleluya!” Everdred shoted as he shot the bazooka. It blasted the R7039-APL with huge power causing it to fall back. “Ha ha, I gottem. Check it out kids” Everdred yelled to the two on the ground. But while he was distracted the R7039-APL fired a big laser at him, hitting him right in the butt. He went spiraling down making spiralls of smoke in the air. When he finally landed he coughed up alot of blood making Swiss and Paulina scream. Paulinas scream was especially cute despite the circumsanes.

“EVERDRED NOOOOO!!!!” Ness cried. “I hoped that it wouldnt come to this but I have no choice. I must use this sacred power that Rainbow Jesus gave me when he brought me back form the dead. Hold on kids, this is gonna get ugly!!! But wait, first you need to take me out of the backpack first”

Swiss pulled Ness outta his backpack. Thats when activated his ultimate power, a power that only activated when hhis kids were in grave danger.

“PK DESTRUCTO!!!!!!!!!!” 

Suddenly the circular dial on the front of the rotationary phone burst from Nesss body like a minigun. It began to spin very rapidly before beginning to shoot a ton of psychic bullets. They flew forward and pierced the R7039-APL all over its body, making it resemble swiss cheese. Swiss lauged because of that fact. Anyway soon the R7039-APL was no longer functional, it’s body too riddled with holes to function. It fell back and landed on the home of a local crime boss, serveing as a metaphor that crime doesnt pay.

“Whew, that was close” Ness said.

“Great job daddy, I knew you could save the day. But, Everdred!!!!” Paulina yelled. They all ran over to Everdred’s body, which was covered with his blood.

“Are you dead” Swiss asked.

“No, but I will be soon so lisen up kids.” Everdred says. “The APL Corperation is stationed in Fourside. Their headquaters is a big red building that’s really scary and unholy so it’s impossible to miss. To get to the top were Apple guy is you’ll need the eight Key Cards of power to unlock the elevator to his room. Theyre all held by the top officials of the company who are stationed all over the world. Find them beat them up and get there card. After you get all of the cards go to Fourside and fight. Thats all I have to say. Now it’s time for me to go to the Lord. I will be watching over you from Heaven. But before I go here is one final haiku.

The threat you face is massive  
You three can stop it  
I forgot the last line oops”

With that final haiku Everdred died, his spirit passing on to the next realm. Though they’re hearts were now filled with somberness, the three knew they had to press on. 

So with Everdred’s last words in mind, Swiss his cute sister Paulina and their cell phone dad Ness headed to the next town, Threed to begin their search for the Key Cars of Power.

Little did they know they were not prepared for what they would encounter next.


	7. Sinister Mackinations

Meanwhile in Fourside…

The APL Corp headqarters stood over the city casting a dour shadow of despair over all who stood under it. Robots armed with large assault rifles and rocket launchers and grenad launchers and sonic wave canons and laser eyes and buzzsaws and some other things patroled the perimeter, taking down any por people that walked by. At the top of the building was a huge golden apple statue, which is why Fourside is called the big aple.

“So did you capture the resistence group?” Apple Man asked as he sat in his comphy bean bag chair. A man in the corner drapped in shadows merely chuckled.

“Theyve all been taken in Master Apple Kid.” the man said.

“Its Apple Man. Anyway good work. I am now trusting you to go dispose of them quickly and efficienetly.” Apple Man directed.

“You’re wish is my command Sir Apple Guy.”

“I just told you my name is Apple Man.”

With that being said the shadow cloaked man walked out of the room and into a ominous hallway. After walking for a little bit longer he entered anoter room. In the middle was a huge meat grinder. Above it hanged for cages, each containing a prisoner. Two young boys, a girl, and a greaser. It was Travis, Floyd, Meryl, and Leo, the stars of the hit indie project Mother 4.

“Well never let you get away with this fiend!” Tarvis yelled.

“Yeah your a monster!” Meryl added.

“I concur indubitably.” Flyod said smartly.

“What they said” Leo remarked as he comed his slick pomp.

“You all will be eating those words in a moment.” The shadow man said with a sinister laugh.

“Just who are you you bad guy????” Travis questioned.

“Im someone you all should know very well. In fact you could say that I was a former developer of your game” The man stepped forward, revealing his true face. The caged heroes gasped except for Leo because he was too cool for that. The shadow man was none other than Shane Mesa, one of the lead composers for Mother 4 until he left for unknown reasons. Well the real reason he left it seems was to join Apple Man in his quest to eradicate all poor people.

“The other M4 devs were poor little bitches” Shane barked. “They didnt have the money needed to live up to there ambitions. I told them to get money from the enternet but they refused. Even when they rebranded Motehr 4 they insisted on making it free. Well their all stupid. Money is what makes this world go around. When you have no money your effectivly dead weight. I hate things that are useless, which is why I joined Apple Man so that we can cleans the world of dead weight poor people. When everyones rich nobody will be, but theyre won’t be any poor people so it’s okay.”

“You’re sick!” Travis literally screamed.

“No I just went to the doctor this morning. He said I’m in perfect health. You all however are a bunch of poor bastards. I hate looking at your faces,”

“What are you going to do with us Mr. Mesa???” Floyd asked.

Shane smirked sinisterly. “Let’s just say winter 2014 is coming sooner than you expect.”

Shane sauntered forth and press a button. Suddenly three of the four cages opened up dropping Travis, Floyd and Leo into the grinder. They screamed as their organs were torn from they’re bodys and scattered across the room except for Leo because he is too cool for that. Moments later they were all dead, suffering mortal damage from the viscous sawblades.

Meryl cowered in her cage crying big tears. “Why…. am I still alive. Please, if your going to take my friends kill me too”

“No can do,” Shane sneered. “You’re coming with me. Were going to have some fun.” Shane licked his teeth.

Meryl shrieked. Her cry seemed to echo through all of Fourside.


	8. A Bile Encounter

“Something smells” Swiss said as the group arrived in the town of Threed. The environment was cloaked in the shadows of nightime as the moonlight illumnated the area. It looked like something you’d see in a horor movie, only this was real. “Like seriously, it smells like crap out here.”

“Swiss! Watch your mouth,” adorable Paulina piped up cutly.

“It’s okay Paulina sweetie, there are far worse things you can say-HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!” Ness shouted.

Just a little ways in front of them was a titanic blob of green slime stuff. It pulsated and covulsed with every movement, spewing toxic fumes.

“What is that” Swiss asked. Suddenly the prior stench from before became a hundred times worse, making the kids loose their lunch instantly. Ness vomited too even though he was a roterary phone. 

“Bwahahahahah! Fear me humans,” a voice rang out from the slime pile. Moments latr two bulbous eye and a toothy mouth materialized from the mound of gunj.

“Is that who I think it is?” Ness questioned. Why indeed it was. The slime pule in front of them was none other than a revived Master Belch still as grotesk as ever.

“No, I am NOT Master Belch. I have a new name, I am MASTER BRAP!!” The goo creature let out a tremendous fart sending a cloud of fart gas into the air. “Apple Mann made me a new body out a special soltion that greatly conducts farts. After I was reconstructed I was filled with his special Dapper Brapper gass. Guess what it does, go on guess!”

“Uhhhh it kills people?” Swiss replied.

“That would be the logial answer but no. Observe” Master Brap unleased a huge stream of Dapper brapper gas onto a passing unaware citizens. Immediately their skin began to rot their hair fell out and their clothes degrade until theyre was nothing but shorts. The citizen had been turned into a zombe.

“So it turns them into zombies?, Lame, this trope is way overdone” Swiss remarked casually.

“Their so gross though, ewwwww I can’t stand looking at them.” Cute Paulina cowered in an adorable fashion.

“You dare mock my beautifully disguting zombies???? For that you will die! Army of the undead, come to me” Master Brap farted rhythmicaly. Shorty afterwards a huge hoard of zombies ran onto the scene drooling every where.

“Woah, there are a lot of them. Looks like someone stoped for a bite to eat at Mach Pizza. Or should I say, eat one pizza and be stuck on the tolet for half a day.” Swiss commented.

“Silence mortal! You to shall soon join my zombie armada! Zombies, ATTACK!!!!!” On Master Brap’s command the zombie horde charged forward, and by charged I mean they went as fast as zombies could go.

Swiss and Paulina ran fort ready to do battle.


	9. Battle with Brap

“Well that was easy” Swiss remarked standing a top a pile of fallen zombies.

“Yeah theyre yucky but not that strong,” Said cute Paulina, “I guess that’s where the appeal comes from.”

“How??! How did you defeat my zombie armada so easily?!?!?!???!?!” Master Brap exclamed.

“Dude their litterally rotten corpses, they fall a part if you sneeze on them. With psychic powers they’re basically flies, heck the actual flies were worse then that.” said Swiss with a shrug.

Master Brap snarled viscously. “Fine, it seems that I have no other choice. I will kill you…. Myslef!” The gunk monster turned around revealig a pair of gelatonus butt cheeks. They giggled around as he moved around making the group cringe in disgust. “Its time you bared witness to my ultimate attack… something so deadly it was banned by the Geneva Convections back in 192X. Behold, my ultimate brap, my devastating diarreah… SHARTOMIC BLAST!!!”

Master Brap begun to suck in air through his but. Then after a moment he released a massive flurry of motlen green goop and deadly gas. It flew threw the air seemingly glowing with how toxic it was. Swiss managed to dodge but Paulina wiffed some of the gas. Instantly she began to choke and gasp, but that did nothing to devalue her cuteness.

“PAULINA!!!” Swiss and Ness cried at the same time but it was to late. Paulina was already beginning to turn ino a zombie.

“Yes that’s right little girl, choke on my delicious chunky butt junk!” Master Brap let out a laugh that sounded like the toot of a snootty french woman. “Soon you will be forced to vore your own boyfriend, how do you like that?!”

“Dude whats wrong with you, she’s my sister. We don’t like each other like that…” Swiss blushed profusly. “Anyway, for trying to fart on me I’ll give you a fate worse that death!” Swiss yeled cooly. He than begun to ran forward, toward Brap.

“Oh, youre approaching me, like a schoolboy desparately rushing to finish the last question on his exam before the bell rings? Wow that was a complicated analogy, just bring on you twerp!” Master Brap reared back as Swiss jumped into the air.

“Take this dumb butt!! PK Swing Beta!” Using 19 PP Swiss cloaked his bat in a bigger amount of psychic energy than usual and swiped at Master Brap with it. The goop pile was instantly obliteratd being redeuced to the size of a mere Slimy little Pile.

Swiss produced a jar from his backpac and scooped up the remains of Master Brap in it. “Your gonna to go great on my shelf back at home, it’ll remind me fondly of the time I was almost kiled by a pile of farting slime.”

“No… please, kill me!!!” Master Brap protested.

“Nope. I told you Id give you a fate worse than death”. Swiss put the lid on the jar without poking holes in it, traping Master Brap and his nockous odor within. After putting the dapper brapper in his brappack Swiss looked down and noticed sometihing. It was one of the eight Key Cards of power, one that was labeld with the number “1.” “Oh cool, score!” He picked it up and threw it in his pack. “Well that’s one down, eight more to go.”

“Um Swiss, I hate to interupt but your sister is still a zombie.,” Ness interjected. Swiss turned around and sure enough, Paulina was a full fleged zombie. Despite her rotten flesh she was still very cute, maybe even cuter than before.

“Oh right. Healing Beta” Blue light ejected from Swiss’s hands and splashed all over his sister, causing her to revert back to normal.

“Oh! What happened?” Paulina asked sweetly.

“Nothin’. You just got turned into a zombie. You were even uglier than normal” Swiss lyed with a smirk, he better of been lying

“Ewwww! Jesus fucking Christ, that’s nasty!!!!!” Paulina screeched.

“Hey don’t use my name like that, that’s not cool,” a heavenly voice said suddenly. Paulina blushed.

“Sorry. Anyway, where to next?”

“Uhhh yeah where to dad?” Swiss inquired.

“Wow do you kids even know your own country, were going to Dusty Dunes Desert next.” Ness the phone said.

“Aw man, I knew I should’ve of packed my sunscreen”, Swiss said gloomily.

With the Baron of Braps defeated, Swiss Paulina, and Ness headed off to Dusty Dunes Desert, leaving Threed to deal with the aftermath of the zombie epidmic.


	10. Desert Demolition

The furious sun hurled rays of violent heat at the trio of three making swet pour from they’re heads. There was no mistaking it. They had arrived in Dusty Dunes Dessert.

“Wow. Im a phone and this heat is still as awful as I remember it”, Ness remarked.

 

“Hey at least your not wearing a dress.” Paulina said cutely.

“What the hey, are you stupid. That let’s air flow better down there. Id totally wear a dress right now if I weren’t so masculine.” Swiss fleckesed his arms.

“Yeah but everyone looks up my skirt, even you Swiss”

“Sounds like a personnel problem.” 

Suddenly the group haled. They were now in the shadows of titanic oil rigs, fiercly pumping the black oily liquid from beneath the dessert sands. Upon farther inspection they realized that there were at least a dozen’ve the rigs stationed throughout the desert, each pumping just as efficently as the first.

“Woah. Who couldve this?” cute Paulina asked.

“Take a wild guess.” Swiss repelied, jamming a finger to his right. On one of the oil rigs the letters “APL” were emblazened, with the “L” hanging lower than the oter lettes for some reason.

“Well at the very least its not a big pile of farting puke,” Paulina said in an adorable fashion.

“I heard that,” Master Brap shouted from Swisss backpack.

“Shut up brap boy, youre not a llowed to talk unless I say so”, Swiss barked. “Anyway it looks well need to destroy all of these oil rigs to find the next key Card. Wanna race? Whoever breaks six rigs and gets back to this spot first wins”

“What’s the prize”? Paulina asked with cute intrigue.

“Hmm…. winner gets to make the other do any one thing they want!”

“Sounds good! Let’s go!” Paulina took off runing in the adorable way that she does.

“Hay no fair! Cheeter!” Swiss ran after his sister literally eating her dus.

Using PK Jump they leapted from oil rig to oil rig attacking powerfully. The pairs natural strength couple with their Psi abilities made short work of the metal monsters. Fire and oil eruppted all over the dessert staining the soil. In a matter of only tin minutes all of the oil rigs were destroyed nothing but smoldering piles of scrap metal. Of course with Paulina’s vastly superior psycic strength she made short work of the towers and won the race. She even found the next Key car of Power.

“I win Swiss! Now you have to the one thing I say!” she taunted adorably.

“Pfffttt you fricking cheated. But Ill humor you, as long as the request isn’t dumb.” Swiss crosed his arms.

“I want you to let me hold daddy from now on.”

“Is that it? What a lame wish. Here take phone boy.” Swiss pulled Ness out of his backpack and tossed him to Paulina.

“Hey what the heck, I’m not some object that you throw around” Ness protested.

“Except for the fact that your literally an object.” Swiss said.

“That doesnt not make him any less important~” Paulina hugged Ness cutely.

“Aw, I’d be blushing if I werent a phone.”

“HEY YOU!” A loud voice yelleded. The group turned and saw a chubby man wearing a pale green suit and a head lamp hat walking toward them. It was Gerardo Montegue one of the miners that struck rich years ago during the events of EarthBound. “You kids just blew up all of my oil rigs!!! What do you have to say for yourselfs?!”

“You’re oil rigs? Nice try pal, but these belong to the APL Corporation, just look at that” Swiss pointed to the APL symbol on the oil rig fom before.

“Thats not APL you idiot, that’s ΑΡΓ, Alpha Rho Gamma! Those rigs belong to the Aplha Rho Gama mining company!” Gerarado literally screamed.

“Then why is the gamma symbol upside down?” Paulina asked sincerely.

“Some of the nails broke on the sign and it fell down, cant you dumb asses see that its hanging way lower than the other letters????”

“Then why do you have this key card of Power that belongs to APL? Your story does n’t add up,” Swiss said.

“I bought it from Apple Mann because it made me feel improtant, anymore stupid questions????” Gerardo grit his teeth.

“Yeah. Why are you still talking to us.” Swiss smirked.

“Im calling the police. And I’ll need 24252546365664475745675 dollars to repair these rigs”

“Oh shit,” Ness exclaimed. “Not even my dad had that much money, and he literaly had infinite money. Swiss use Teleport Alpha to take us to Winters! Pronto.”

“On it” Using 2 PP Swiss began to run down the highway at super speed before disappearing in a flash of light.

“DAMN YOU KIDS!!!” Gerardo shaked his fist as his oil smoked behind him.


	11. A New Friend Joins The Party!

With a burst of light Swiss, Paulina and NEss the telephon appeared in Winters. Snow covered the ground, painting it a nice shade of wihte. Snowflakes difted from the sky and landed on the white ground making it bigger.

“Holy crap its cold here,” Swiss remarked quivering in his short sleeve shirt.

“Y-y-Y-yeah he’s right, it’s really chilly.” Cute Paulina said her teeth chattering.

“Well they don’t call it Winters for nothing ahahahaha”, Ness lauged.

“Can you even feel the cold in that phone body. You wouldn’t understand our pain!” Swiss bluted.

“My my, it’s been a time since I last saw teleporting children.” a British voice said behind them. They turned around and saw a blonde man wearing a lab couat with a green undershirt. It was Jeff, one of the Chosen four children that killed Giygas many years ago. After the battle with Giygas he went back to Winters and worked with his fater Dr Andonuts until he sadly died of heart failure. Or at least thats what he told the press…….

“Hey Jeff, long time no see.” Ness greeted. “Whats up”

“Nothing much, more inventing as per usual. Are those you’re kids? Also why are you a phone” Jeff questioned.

“They are. Jeff, meet Swiss and adorable Paulina. Aren’t they cute Paulina in particular. Also I’m a phone because I died and Jesus brought me back.”

“I’m an athist but what ever. Hello there children. Im a old friend of your duddy. I was the brians of the war Against Gyigas if you know what I mean.” Jeff adjusted his glass.

“Oh are you like Bill Nye from the TV????” Swiss inquired.

“Even better because I make inventions! Pretty dandy eh?” Jeff said.

“Anyhow Jeff do you have any useful gadgets that we can use? We need to stop a evil man from killing all the poor people in the world,” Ness explained.

“Hmm I think I have something useful. Come with me to my lab.” And so they followed Jeff through the snow to his lab. When they got there they were in aw at the size of Jeffs inventions. The place was alos modern and smelled like pine trees.

“Oh Frederik, father needs you” Jeff called out. Moments later a kid wearing a leather jacket and blonde hair slicked back into a pompador hairstyle appeared smoking a cigarette.

“What the fuck do you want pops, I’m busy being cool.” the unknown kid siad.

“Lady gentleman and phone, meet Frederick, my son. Well not biologically, I made him. You see it turns out I am incapable of having kids so I grew Frederick from a donor egg, adding miscelaneous bits of Dna where I saw fit. The only problem is that-” Frederick suddenly kicked Jeff in the crotch making him fall to the ground.

“My name is fucking Fred, how many times do I have to tell you that. Shit I really hate you old man, get the hell out of my face.” Fred pulled out a comb and started coming his hair.

“Oooof… the only problem is that I accidentally put in too many angst hormones, now hes perpetually stuck in his angsty rebellius faze. He’s truly a nice kid though, I think youll all become good friends.” Jeff picking himself up. “Listen hear Frederick, as your father and creator I order you to accompany these fine folks on they’re quest to save the world.”

“Fuck that shit, that’s some bullshit man. What the hell’s in it for me huh.” Fred turned and his eyes nearly popped out of his head. He was looking directly at Paulina. Instantly a bulge appeared in his blue jeans. “Holy shit your hot. Fuck me your hot, what’s your name babe?”

“Uhh… Paulina” Paulina said cutely.

“Shit man you’re really hot, hey old man, is this hottie one of the bitches trying to save the world?” Fred asked.

“She is. Im sure she’d enjoy your company,” Jeff said with a grin.

“Fuck yeah. Okay my mind’s made up. I’m going with yo fuckers, weather you like it or not. I have some sick-ass PSI powers that pops bioengineered into me or some shit, so Ill beat the shit outta whatever you need me to.” Fred scooted up next to adorable Paulina much to her dismay.

“Well that settles it, Fred will join you.” Jeff said. “Say, where are you all going next”

“Summers sounds like a good idea,” Ness remarked.

“Excellent, Ill prepare the Sky Runner 2.0 for you. Feel free to have some tea and curmpets until then.” As Swiss Paulina, and Ness stepped off Jeff pulled Fred off to the side.

“Listen here you fucking cunt, if you end up geting my friend and his kids killed I swear I will disasemble you one atom at a time, do you understand”? Jeff inquired.

“Y-yes, father.” Fred gulped.

“Good. Now piss off, stupid wanker.”


	12. Sand Surf, and Sun

“Hey Swiss”

“Yeah Paulina?”

“Whose driving this thing??”

The two siblings screamed as the Sky Runer 2.0 began to plummet to the grond. Frederick sat in the corner smokind and not emoting at the curetn situation. Alarms blare as the silver sphereical vehicle approached the ground. With a blast of fire the Sky Runner 20 exploded on the beach of Summers.

“Fucking shit, you ruined my fuckin hair”, Fred said as he pulled himself outta of the ruble. “Dads gonna beat my ass when he sees this. Nice goin dipshit, ya crashed the Sky Runner. You did nothing rong though babe don’t worry about it.” Fred planted a kiss on Paulina’s cute checks making her cringe.

“Uhhhh thanks….” Paulina backed awy cutly. “So were in Summers now?”

Indeed they were, the sun was shining refelcting off of the crystal water the sand was warm and flowed in the wind, and the streets were filled with bustling toursits. It truely looked like paradice.

“Well now what the fuck do we do. We lookin for key Carsd or some shit?” Fred lit up three cigs and smokeded them all at once.

“Yeah, but its gonna be hard to find it with all these peple around,” Swiss remarked.

“Dont worry I have a solution to that conundrum”! Ness said. “PSI Search!” An invisible wave of Psi energy shot from Ness the phone scanning over the entire beach area. “The PSi power that I just used was PSI Search it allows me to find any object within a mile radis. It would’ve of been real helpful to have back when I searced for the Eight sanctuaries…… Any way the key card of Power should be by that big buff guy.”

The group turned to see a huge man wearign a flowey tanktop and sunshades and flipflips. He was over by a hotdog stand hitting on a girl that was nowhere near as adorable as Paulina.

“That fa*got? Sure Ill go fuck him up.” Fred walked up to the man and socked him in the sock. “Hey bitch, give us that Key card if you wanna keep your nee caps.”

“What the hell, that hurt you little punk” The Tough guy said. “Oh shit, Apple Man warned me about you sorry wimps. Thankfully I Tanke, president of the APL beach Division, am well equiped to deal with punks like you.”

The Tough Guy pulled out a syringe and injected a red liqid into his veins. Instantly his muscles grew immensely, like a tank made of flesh. His tank top split apart showering on to the sand. 

“You think youre tough little man….? Well it’s time to face the power of my rippling muscles!!!!!” The Ultra Tough Guy bounced his pecks up and down making all the ladies on the beach swoon except cute Paulina because she would never be so depraved. “Hey cutie, wanna go out with me after the battle??”

“Im fourtine you freaking creep!”

“The younger the better I always say”

With that being said the Ultra tough guy lunged forth ready to do battle.


	13. Beachside Brawl

The Ultra tough Guy kicked with his massiv foot sendi g sand toward the group. Swiss and cute Paulina and Fred used PK Jump and jumped out of the way avoiding the attack. Swiss used PK Swing Beta and hit the Ultra Tough guy with all of his might but it had no affect.

“What the heck, why did my attack not work????” Swiss questioned as he fell back to the sand.

“Its because my defense is now 255 the highest in the game, Im invincible!” The ultra Tough Guy punched Swiss in the face sending him sailing across the beach.

“SWISS!!!!” Paulina shouted adorably. “You monster, Ill beat you!!!!!!” Paulina casted PK Burst Beta on the Ultra Tough guy but once again it did a measley one damage. “It’s no good Frederick, our attacks dont work!!!”

“You just gotta use your fuckin head that’s all,” Fred remakred. “Lets think about this logically. This ugly motherfucker has 255 Defence, right? Well any one with a cursery knowledge of mechanics would know that this number can actually roll over if increased any farther. You have Defense Up right? Use it on him and his defence will roll over to 0 and he’ll be fuckign vulnerable”

“Oh that’s a good idea, thanks Fred!” Paulina jutted her hands forth and cast PK Defense Down Alpha on the Ultra Tough Guy. Instantly he became fatigued and began coughing into his hands.

“Gahhh!!! What the fuck did you punks do to me???? My muscles…… they feel so weak!!!” The Ultra Tough guy continued to langusih.

“Yeah yeah cry about it pussy.” Frederick posed epicly. “Time to for you to take a dirt nap. Eat lead bich.” Fred extended his hand and casted his signature ability PK Pistol. A revolver made of psychic energy appeared in his hand and he fired all six shots into the Ultra ToughGuy’s face. The Ultra tough Guy screamed in pain and fell back he was dead.

“You just got fucked you fucking fucker.” Fred continued to pos in an attempt to impress Paulian but she was having none of it.

“Let’s just get that key Card,” she mumbled cutly. She walked over to the Ultra Tough guy’s corpse and reached into his swimtrunks and extracted the Key Card of Power form within.

“Yeesh you’re cold, thankfully I like my bitches cold like PK Freeze Omega.” Frederick smirked but Paulina just rolled her eyes.

“Well I guess we should move onto Scaraba to find the next key Card”, Paulina said. “Hey wheres Swiss?”

“Prolly pickin sand outta his asscrack”

Fred cuckled.


	14. Lets Ride the Boat

“Jeuss Christ it smells like fish here,” Fred said threw clenched teth.

The trio walkeded into Toto the small port town that stood at the edge of Summers. Fishermen sailors, and stray cats roamed the streets going about there business.

“Fred don’t use that language.” Paulina said. She held her nose cutely to avoid inhaling the toxin aroama of stinky fish.

“Jesus isnt real, the Bibble didn’t happen”, Fred chuffed, crossing his arms.

“Excuse me I can testify against that!” Ness chiming from Swisss back pack.

“We are not having a religious debate in th e middle of a fish market guys.” Swiss said. “ We just need to find that boat so we can go to Scaraba and get the next key card so we can go to Foruside and stop Apple Man from takng over the world.”

“Yeah your right.” Paulina looked around and saw a sailor man standing by a boat. He was covered in hair and his stomach protruded far beyond his body. He swigged his bear bottle and beelched. “Hey that guy looks trustworthy. Let’s ask him to take us to Scararaba.”

They stepped over to the man.

“The feckin feck do you fekcin kids want” the sailer grumbled scratching his beard.

“Yes hello, we’d like one trip to Scaraba please.” Swiss responded.

“The feck you on you wankers, I aint’nt taken you to nowhere so FECK OFF.”

Suddenlly Fred speed to his side thrusting a knife to his neck. “Listen up asshole, youre gonna take us to Scarababa or Ill slice your fucking throat open am I clear?”

“Your a feckin wanker thas waht, if you kill me who’ll drive you to Scaraba land huh? Who will?” The sailor spat as Fred’s eyes widened. 

“Uhhh…... I don’t dunno.” He lowered his knife. “Well shit, usually threats work. Now what the fuck are we gona do?”

“Um… Mr Salor man?” Paulina stepped forth wigging her hips hyponotically. The sailor immediately took notice. “Can you please take us to Scraba? We really need to go there. Really bad. Can you please take us the-”

“Ifn’ you don’t mind sharing a room with me, lass, then I’ll take you lot to Scarba.” He licked his teeth, “Fifty smacks for all of ya, but I could make it free if you want to share a bed with me……”

“Im calling the police”

“Fifty bucks it is than.”

They all payed their due and climbed aboard the boat. Swiss took a seat on the side and Pualina sat next to him. She laid her head on his chest and went to sleep cutly. Swiss whent to sleep too. Fred sat in the corner and brooded as he comed his hair.

The sailor got behind the wheel and started the engine. 

“To Scaraba we go!!!!!”


	15. Kracken of the Sea

“Ugghhhh……. Huh?”

Swiss was jostle awake by the intense rocking of the boat. The clouds opened up pouring thousands of thousands of gallons of rain on the group. Fred looked extra pissed of because of the water ruined his hairdo. The capitan stood behind the wheel with concern on his’s face.

Carefuly Swiss moved Paulina’s cute face to the side and stood up and walked to the captain.

“Yo cap, whered this storm come from”, he asked.

“I unno, but shits tense, aye.” The captan took a swig from his alochol bottle. “ gotta bad feelin’ bout this ‘ere storm, its shiverin’ me timbers.”

Suddenaly a whirlpool appeared in front of the boat, beginning to sucking them in.

“Shit!, it’s just as I thought!” The sailor swerved around the whilrpool with grimace. “This is real bad. Really bad.”

“What’s really bad??!???!” Swiss asked panickedly. “Are we gonna capsize, is that the word, capcise”

“Youre thinking of circumsize,” Fred sniggered

“Ha ha, really real funny.”

“Guys what’s going on?” Paulina asked as she stood up. Her dress got all wet from the rain and she made a cute pouty face.

“Somethin fuckin bad.” The captains eyes widened.

Emerging from the whirlpool was a huge sea snak. Its scales were blue like the color of the sky and its face had no eyes. From it’s mouth a plume of purple flames spouted illuminateing the air.

“ITS THE FUCKIN ELDER KRAKEN” 

The Elder Kraken charged forward roaring loudly.

“H-H-HERE IT COMES!!!”

The sailor turned the boat narowly dodging the Kracken’s advance. Scowling it belched fire almost burning the boat into ash. Steam rose from the water because it was evaporated by the heat of the fire.

“Excuse but what the fuck is an Elder Kraken and how do I kill it” aksed Fred.

“The Elder Kraken is the father of the kraken that used to torment these waters. After it’s son was killed it became really POd and started destroyin shit. I thought it had been killed by the Scaraba navy……” The sailor bit his ip. “We may not survive this……….”

“Not if we can help it!” Swiss leaped to the edge of the boat his bat at the ready. Paulina and Fred joined him their hands glowing.

This was going to be one heck of a battle.


	16. A Battle of Epic Proportions

The fight began with Paulina casting PK Freeze Beta on the water in front of them consuming 9 PP. Swiss Paulina, and Fred ran out using the iced water to run acrosst the raging waters. The Elder Kraken roared breathing fire, but before it could move cute Paulina froze it in a sheet of ice preventing it from moving.

Swiss used PK swing Beta and bashed the side of the Kraken. It wailed in agny before trying to bite down. However it found several PSI bullets shot into its throat by Fred’s PK Pistol and it coughed up blood. Then Paulina casted PK Burst B on it sending falling back.

“Yeah take that fish fucker.” Fred said in an attempt to be cool but Paulina and Swiss just cringe.

Suddenly the Kraken used a Crashing-Boom Bang attack casuing lighting to rain down. It crashing into the ice shattering it into hundreds of pieces. But Paulina remained vigilent repairing the ice platforms as they broke. Meanwhile Swiss used PK Jump to leap all the way to the Elder Kracken’s head and use PK Swing. The monster screeched as its skull felt the full fore of Swiss’s bat.

Fred smiled tinking they were winning. They weren’t not.

Behind them the Kraken’s long thick tail burst from the water, wrapping itself around Paulina. The snake squeezed her petite figure suffocating her, and she gagged as sea foam came out of her mouth. She let out a scream as the snake unloaded on her even more. She could do nothing; it had completely dominatd her.

“PAULINA!” Swiss turned but that would soon be his downfall. The Elder Kraken emited a pale-green light causing the affects of Swiss’s PK Jump to disapear. Instantly he plummeted to the ice with a thud. Fred scowling went over to him and picked up his unconscious body.

“You slimy bastard, Ill turn you into fuckin sushi!!!!” With all of his might Fred cast PK Pistil Beta, summoning a hunter rifle made of PSI energy. He fired several rounds in to the Eder Kraken making it drop Paulina. Quickly Fred swam back to the boat making sure to grab Paulina on the way back. He contined shooting at the sea snake but it did not stopping it’s approach.

“Fucking fuck, this fishy asshole can take some pain” Fred snarled.

“Its no use kid, it’s game over at this point,” the captain mumbled.

“Fuck that, Im not dying to some fish”! Fred let out a yell as he kept on firing. However the Elder Kracken was beginning to start preparing to charge its ultimate attack. It started to spinning causing air currents to form around it. Water and fish got launched into the air by the force o the air.

“Shit, it’s gonna to make a tornado!” the capitan said. “I take it back I dont wanna die, do something you edgy asshole!”

“Im trying!” Fred responded, but deep in his heart he knew he had failed his friends. They were all going to become fish food.

But just as the Kraken, finished charging something miraculous happened.

From the sky a young man of about sixteen years olf came flying down. He had long black hair tied into a braid and his feature were distinctly Asain. He wore a black kimono with a katana strapped firmly to his side.

“PK STARSTRIKE”

From the boy’s hands came a flurry of stars. They bombombarded the Kranken, sending scales and flesh flying. Just as it thought the attack would end the boy ziped forth cloked in blue energy. With his sword he made a massive slash cleving the Krakne’s head from it’s body. It fell into the ocean with a hue splash, and just like that the terror of the seas was no more.

“Oh shit, that was fucking awesome!” Fred cheered.

“What he said!” The captain said. “Hoorah, the Kraken is dead! But uh, dont think I didn’t do nothing to help you wankers. I through my socks at it. Im sure that’s the only reason you won.”

Slowly the Asian kid descended. He landed on the deck with a determined expression on his face.

“Greetings, friends,” he saided.

“I am Chang, prince of Dalaam.”


	17. A New Friend

Immediately Chang crumpled to the ground, his legs looking as if they were going ot turn into jelly at any moment.

“Oh fuck,” Fred said as he sauntered to Chang. “You ok Asian kid”

“Yes, I am fine. It is just, I seemed to have used so much power during that encounter that I ended up paralyzing myself.” He attempted to move his legs but he couldnt. “Oh dear... How will I explain this to father?”

“Eh parents are overrated anyway” Fred struck a cool pose, “They’ll just hold you back, you need to learn to be a rebel Asian kid.”

“I have told you that my name is Chang. Please, do not refer by such a derogatory ter-”

“Shut your fuckin mouth veggietales.” 

“Oi oi oy, you think you can just freeload on my boat cripple kid?” the capitan said walking to Chang.

“Sir, I just saved your lives. Is that not payment enough?”

“Are you trying to shortchange me, I swear on my smegma that Ill toss you overboard you cheeky cunt” The captain spat in Chang’s face.

“Ugh... here.” Chang threw a small Ruby at the captian’s feet immediately he snatched up.

“Ok I have no complaints, carry on.” He looked at Swiss and Paulina. “Alright what’re we gonna do about those cockwockles? They seem like their dead. Actually that might be a good thing.” He licked his lips looking Paulina’s cute body.

Instantly he was shot in the head by Fred’s PK Pistol. He falls to the deck dead. “Ive had enough of your pedophilic necrophilic old shitty-ass British asshole. Im the new captain.” He turned to Chang and smiled. “Okay Bruce Lee let’s get you a wheelchair.”

“Well, I appreciate it, but don’t you think that killing that man was a little excessive?”

“No”

“Okay then… Oh, how I regret my decision to come here…”

Before long Chang was situated in a wheelchair. He used his PSI powers to make it roll looking like a psychic race car.

“Yo Chang, think you can help these dead-ass dead asses not be dead-ass anymore”

“I do believe that I can.” Chang used PSI Healing Omega causing Swiss and Paulina to awoke.

“Hnnggg... did we die?” Swiss asked inquisitively.

“No because no heaven would ever have me in it.” Fred cuckled.

“Oh hello there, who are you” Paulina asked, looking at Chang.

“I am-”

“An Asian cripple” Fred cuckled again.

“Fred, you are very rude, good sir.”

“I know I’m a badass. Anyhow Jackie Chang over here killed the Kraken, thank him or something.”

“Thanks” Said Swiss and Paulina in unison.

“You are most welcome,” he responded. 

“Oh hey look at that, we’re already at Scaraba.” Fred extended a finger, and sure enough there was Scaraba the land of deserts and dry heat.

“Out of the boiling pot and into the frying pan I see,” Paulina remarked cutely.


	18. A Friend Lost

We stepped off of the vacent boat into the port town that stood vefore us. Immediately we were assaulted by brutal heat. The rays of the sun twisting down our backs weighing us down and forcing us to drown in our own sweat.

“Jesus H Christ eating ramon on Sunday” said Fred, “its fucking hot out here. I cant even wear my leather jacket without burning up.”

As if on que Fred tore off his coat exposing his bare chest, covered in slick sweat. He flaunted his pecks at Paulina who merely gagged hugging Swiss cutely.

“That is very... nice, Fred,” Chang began, “but showing off your body to us will not help us save the world from the clutches of Apple Man.”

“Was that who we were fighting? I fuckin forgot, its been a couple months since he was last mentioned.” Fred remarked, shrugging.

“Yeah Apple Guy, he’s evil and wants to kill poor peopel.” Swiss wiped his brow flinging sweat drops onto Paulina. She blushed giggling in an adorable fashion.

“Anyhow what in the everloving name of banana fuckers is going on over there.” Fred pointed to the town. It had completely devolved into chaos with the turban wearing locals firing assault rifles at each other. Mushroom clouds rose up all over the area painting the sky black. To the group it looked like the end of the world, but really it was just a normal day in Scaraba. 

Suddenly a man ran over to the group, his face painted with concer.

“Kids you have to get out of here there’s a war going on” the man said in his native Scaraban speak.

“Sorry I dont speak sand dumbass.” Fred smirked, flexing his biceps.

“No please you have to run, their going to kill you-”

From behind several men in black robes leaped off of the back of a truck and fired hundreds of rounds into the man’s back. His body was torn apart blood splattering all over the group. Paulina and Swiss screamed loudly while Fred squealed an incredibly girly shriek.

“Look brothers, fresh sacrifices” one of the terrorists spoke rabidly.

“Yes my brother, let us secure they’re tasty pristine flesh.” With that being said a flashbang was thrown blinding the group. Moments later they all received powerful strikes to the back of the head, falling unconscience to the sand. 

“In the glorious name of God let us free these lambs from their suffering.”

 

When they awoke they sat in the middle of the desert surrounded by sandbags and barbed wires. Men holding large machine guns patrolled the parameter ripping anyone who got near to shreds.

“W-w-what’s going on?” Paulina asked somehow remaining cute although her life was on the line.

“I think we’re gonna be sacrficied by these sandeaters” Fred replied. “They took Chang. Look”

Swiss and Paulina both stared forth and their faces immediately contorted into shock and horror. Chang was placed on a pedalstool his neck on a stone pedalstool. Nearby was a cloaked man wearing black and chanting some extreme language. Just in front of him was a camera, recording the entire exchange.

“You filthy westerners go against the will of God with your evil ways” he shouted. “It seems nowhere except the glorious sacred holy and amazing deserts of Scaraba are safe from Statan’s grip. Well today we are going to free several of your kind from him, letting them go free into the realm of the divine.”

The man turned to Chang and pulled out a scimitar. Moments later he raised it over his head.

“So... this is how I meet my end.” Chang did not scream or cry. He merely excepted his fate with closed eyes. “Farewell, my friends. I am glad that I was able to help even a little bit.”

Swiss and Paulina screamed there eyes full of tears but unfortunately it was too late. The gleaming blade was brought down on Chang’s neck instantly separating his head from his body. A geyser of his virgin blood burst forth soaking the clocked man. He got down on his knees and began licking at the pools of crimson liquid while shouting more nonsensical phrases.

“CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

“Oh come the fuck on, dont get so emotional” Fred sneered. “He was literally around for like five mintues how are you already so attached to him. Also he was a stupid Asian cripple who was dumb and retarded.”

“Fred your heartless!” Paulina shouted. “I hope you get your head lobbed off next!”

“No…..” Paulina and Fred both look at Swiss.

“What’s that Swiss?”

“No, I wont let anyone else die today. We’re going to escape from these terrorists and get all of the Key Cards of power and stop Apple Man and save the world. Thats what Chang would’ve wanted.” Swiss opened his eyes. They glowed with blue power. “I can feel his spirit filling me, flowing all inside of me, empowering me”

“That’s fucking gay” Fred said cuckling.

 

“I’ll use this power…… TO SAVE US FROM DESTRUCTION!”

From above them, stars began to rain down.


	19. War on Terror

As the Starstorm rained down the terrorists screamed shoting the sky full’ve lead. However, they do not realize that they’re bullets do nothing against the power of PSI. I motion for Paulina and Fred to close thier eyes and they do, moments later we are splattered with terrorists’s guts, intestines brains, other guts they paint the walls a sickening red. It seemed Changs last gift was quite effective.

“Ok we need to get out of here before they call for reinforcements,” Swiss said.

“Dont worry Ill cut the ropes with my knife” but before Fred even has a chance to pull out his switchblade Paulina had already freed them with a controlled PK Burst, costing 3 PP. “Fuckin showoff, damn you women are always out to show off.”

“Shut up Fred, be glad your alive right now.” Paulina said as she stood up and wiped the debris off of herslef.

“Guys this isnt the time for that. We need to leave and now.” Swiss folded his arms.

“Yeah and how’re are we exactly gonna do that Mr. Leader, I doubt our fuckin’ legs will get us far across the God damn dessert.” Fred spat on a terrorists disembodied head.

“Simple, we just hotwire one of their trucks and make a break for it,” Paulina said.

“That’s a great idea Paulina” Swiss leaned over and pecked her on the cheek, she giggled blushing. “Look theres a truck right over there, lets hop on.”

And so they all ran to the truck, hopping in quickly. They could already hear the deranged shouts of more terrorists on the way to investigate the explosions so they knew they had to act fast. Fred ripped open the glove box and began tinkering with wires but his hands got zapped forcing him to make a tactical retreat.

“Fuckin thing SUCKS!” he shouted sucking his thumb.

“Fred your’e useless, watch how its done.” Paulina focused and shot a concentrated ball of PK Burst into the air vent. Using her mind she guided it through the vehicle to the engine. Moments later they felt a jolt underneath them and moments after that the truck started. “Easy”

“Whatever, somebody just start fuckin driving, the terrorist are here!” Fred pointed to the rear view mirror where a shitton of terrorists began approaching all armed with assault rifles and extremeist ideology. Without hesitation Swiss stepped on the gas and just like that they were out of there.

“Whew, glad to be out of that mess,” Paulina commented. She wiped a bit of terrorist organs off her dress with a cute giggle.

“Sorry, looks like its not over yet.” Fred grimaced as the sound of revving engine could be heard behind them. It wasn’t not long before bullet holes began to appear in their vehicle. “Shit, we’re being tailed! Swiss just keep your eyes on the road, or the sand I guess I don’t fuckin know. Paulina and I will add suppressing fire.”

Swiss nodded his forehead drenched with sweat. Fred punched out the window of the truck and leaned out it, summoning PK Pistol Gamma, creating a large assault rifle made of PSI. He unloaded into the terrorists behind them trimming them like hedges in the front yard of a lazy neighbor. Thier limbs went flying and their trucks spun out of control crashing into each other and causing a huge pileup, but more and more trucks kept coming.

“Shit I’m out of ammo, I mean PP. Paulina make yourself useful instead of sitting theyre like the airhead you are.” Fred began guzzling a jug of what he hoped was water as Paulina gave a “hrumph.”

“Time for a little girl power” Paulina said. She clasped her hands together and casted PK Burst gamma for forty PP. She thrusted her hands forth and a whole bunch of PK Burst balls were sent flying forth. Moments later explosions riddled the area behind their truck disorienting the terrorists and causing them to spin out of control again. After the smoke cleared there was only one truck left. A massive convoy, adorned with a really scary hood ornament and devilish red paint.

“Alright I’ve reloaded, remind me to piss when we stop” Fred fired a ton of shots into the convoy behind them but unlike the last trucks this time it did nothing. “Fuck, this ones tough. Swiss you might need to use your new PK Starstorm on it”

“Yeah sure, hey Paulina take the wheel from me” Swiss said as he and Paulina switched seats. He concentrated, and soon a torrent of stars began falling from the sky. They battered the convoy mercilessly causing it to begin to crash. “Heck yeah, that should be the last of them. At this rate we’ll get away in no tim-”

Suddenly, they’re ride came to an abrupt halt. All three of them went flying through the trucks window landing on some cold stone floor. They struggled to stand but after a quick cast of PSI Lifeup they were all better.

“Gah, what happened?” Swiss questioned.

“Fuckin women drivers thats what, like Jesus couldn’t you see the fucking pyramid in front of us you dumbass whore bag” Fred prattled off.

“Sorry… I was just trying to watch Swiss blow those guys away.”

“Dont worry Paulina I forgive you.” Swiss gave his big sister a hug causing her to blush. “Anyway where are we?”

“I just told you, the fuckin Scaraban pyramids. Dad used to talk about how he and his friends came here and stole some ancient item, he said he put it back though. What a dumbass. Coulda sold it on Ebay for some nice cash.” Fred looked around the area. It was dark and murky and filled with hieroglyphs and cobwebs. It seemed like nothing had changed since the Chosen Four had stepped into the place.

However there was one thing different. Sitting on a nearby pedestal was a box. Within it were several multicolored key cards that glowed with power.

“Holy crap, its the rest of the Key Cards of Power we need to stop Apple Man!” Paulina said with a shout. The walls of the pyramid made her cute voice echo a bunch of times.

“Heck yeah! Let’s get them!”

“Not so fast!” They all turned to the sound of the voice and immediately they cringed. Stepping through the hole they had created in the pyramid was a fat Scaraban man. He did not wear a shirt letting all of his tattoos and nipple piercings show off for the world to see. He had a mane of long black hair that flowed as he walked, no turban or burka in sight. “With those key cards I could take Apple Man’s spot at the top of the world and become supreme ruler of everything! I’m going to take them as well as the cards you have collected over your journey! Your adventure is over, infedels! Time to say goodnight!”

The Top Dog Terrorist whipped out a pair of assault rifles and began blasting away.


	20. Gods and Guns

The Top Dog Terrorist fires his assault rifles without remorse riddling the pyramid walls with lots of holes. Swiss, Paulina and Fred all duck for cover behind a sarcofagous to avoid the rain of bullets. A Shattered man comes out of the coffin confused at the noise, but is quickly reduced to mummy wrappings by the fat man’s firings.

“Damn he’s tearing up” Fred piped up griting his teeth. “Guess we gotta return the favor.” He summoned his PSI assault rifle and began returning fire. Several shots struck the TD Terrorist but his fat nullified the hits. He cackled.

“Just give up kids, those cards are mine!!”, he shouted. “The world will be saved from Apple Man, only for me to take up the mantal instead! Mwahahaha!”

“You big greedy jerk, doesnt God say not to be mean and kill people” Paulina asked as she ducked under bullets cutely.

“You retard, God isn’t real. He never was” The TD Terrorist whittles away they’re sacrofagous and prepares to end their journey. However Swiss used PK Swing on a tile on the floor kicking it up to act as cover. “I only used God as a means to control a whole bunch of these gullible sand eaters. Luckily I dont need them anymore because my goal of world domination is just within reach!”

“Your sick! You’re just as bad as Apple Man”! Swiss yelled.

“Does it look like I care about integrity? Control is all that matters to me! If I rule the world, then I can control how morals work! Who know’s, maybe my behavor will be seen as rightous!” The TD Terrorist continued to laugh but then he suddenly went quiet. He looked down and realized he had run out of bullets. “Uh oh”

“Serves you right fucktits! Cmon guys, let’s wail on him,” The three of them jumped out from there hiding spot and began thrashing the TD Terrorist. Fred cuckled ripping him a new asshole with his PK Pistol. Paulina made him her bitch blasting him all over the room with PK Burst. And Swiss pulverized his cheeks with PK Swing. Before long the TD Terroist was all but defeated.

“No….. Not like this….” The TD Terrorist scowled and glared at the kids with furious eys. “If Im going down, your going down with me. Time for a terrorist tradition!” From between his sweaty buttchecks he pulled a timebomb. Activating it he began to ran forth. “Say goodbye infidels!”

However before he can reach them he is suddenly vaporiszed by a large beam of light. From above them a new figure leaps down on top of the TD Terrorist’s ashes, sending him to the wind. It was a huge stone man made of silver stone. He wore traditional Scaraban armor and there was a large scarab beetle on his helmet. In his hand he held a long hard staff. Stroking it, he began to ejaculate in the group’s face.

 

“BEHOLD I AM THE GUARDIAN OVERLORD, GOD OF SCARABA” The figure pointed a finger. “AND I AM FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE COMING IN HERE TO TRY AND STEAL SHIT LIKE GOD DAMN FIRST IT WAS SOME KIDS A FEW YEARS AGO AND NOW A FAT MAN AND MORE KIDS??? FUCK THIS SHIT, IM NOT LETTING YOU TAKE THE HAWKEYE THIS TIME. I’M GOING TO UTTERLY ANNIHLATE YOU SO THAT YOU CAN NEVER STEAL THE HAWK EYE AGAIN.”

The Guardian Overlord rose his staff and fired a beam of light at the ground. It exploded in a big burst of light sending Swiss Paulina, and Fred all over the room. Quickly they recuperated and began to retaliate. However the Guardian Overlord shruged it all off and began firing more beams.

“Guys dont get hit by the beams, you’ll probably die!” Swiss said

“Wow good fuckin advice, oh man dont get hit not like I was trying to dumbass!” Fred tried to fired his PK Pistol but he was all out of PP. Moments later he was punted across the room by the Guardian Overlord.

“Swiss this isnt looking good, this guy is really tough!” Paulina sent Burst after burst but it was simply uneffective. It was not long before she was sent flying landing right on top of Fred.

“Man you’re ass feels nice” Fred sniggered but he was quickly slapped by Paulina.

“Shoot, looks like I’ll have to use my ultimate technique…..” With the rest of his strength Swiss used PK Starstrike Chang’s final gift to the group. Stars rained down on the Guardian Overlord shrouding him in smoke. Things quickly went quiet and Swiss grinned, thinking they had won. However when the dust settled the Guardian Overlord was still alive and kicking.

“WOW YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING RETARDED, DIDNT YOU JUST HEAR ME SAY I WAS A GOD. I KNOW THAT TERRORIST IDIOT SAID GOD ISNT REAL BUT HERE I AM AND IM NOT FUCKING AROUND” The Guardian Overlord kicked Swiss and he landed right on top of the others. “NOW YOU CHUCKLEFUCKS ARE GOING TO FACE MY TRUE WRATH. ILL COMPLETELY OBLITERATE YOU FOR TRYING TO STEAL THE HAWKEYE JUST LIKE THOSE OTHER KIDS.”

The Guardian Overlord began charging a beam of light and it looked like the end.

“Wait hold the fuck up,” Fred said, “Were not here for the Hawk Eye or whatever shit your guarding. All we want are those key cards. After that we’ll fuck off for good, alright”

Suddenly the Guardian Overlord paused. “WAIT WHAT THE FUCK. WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME THAT SOONER YOU DUMBASSES. I JUST BEAT YOU UP FOR NO GOD DAMN REASON.”

He picked up the box of Key Cards and handed it to the group.

“HERE TAKE THESE SHITS. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THEIR DOING HERE BUT SHIT THATS NOT FROM THE PYRAMID ISNT MY PROBLEM. COME ON TAKE IT BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND.”

With weary arms Swiss grabbed the box. “Thanks”

“NO PROBLEM. NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY PYRAMID.”

The Guardian Overlord disappeared in a flash. Swiss looked down at the box of Key Cards and smiled. At long last they had the means to stop Apple Man and save the world. Now all they needed to do was get to Fourside.

“Yo guys could please get the fuck off me, you’re crushing my damn spleen”

Swiss and Paulina both laughed at Fred’s comment.

“No seriously this really hurts, Jesus Christ go to the gym you fat fucks.”


	21. Journey to Fourside

The group stepped out of the pyramid into the Scaraban heat. The sun beat down on them hard spraying them with its white rays but they didnt even care. With the rest of the Key Cards of power in hand they felt envigorated, ready for anything.

“Damn we didnt even have to go to Deep Darkness or Tenda Village or any other of those shitty places, bet the readers weren’t expecting that” Fred said.

“Readers?” Paulina asked cutely. “Sorry I don’t understand, what do you mean by-”

“Don’t freakin jincks it Fred,” Swiss chastised. “Anyhow now all that’s left for us to do is go to Fourside and kick Apple Man’s but, but howre we gonna get there? The Sky Runner DX was scrapped and I dont have PK Teleport. Are there any plains near by?”

“I can help you out” walking up to them was a Scaraban man in a white turban walking beside a camal. Fred pulled out his PK Pistol thinking he was a terrorist and prepared to light him up but Swiss made him lower his weapon. “My camel can take you to FourSide in a jiffy. All I need is $20 for the lot of you.”

“How the fuck is a God damn camal gonna get us to Fourside. Nice try old man, but we’re not falling for you’re shitty cons.” Fred spat on the ground.

“Skeptical eh? I dont blame you, but check this out” The turbanned man flipped a switch on the side of the camel. Moments later it began to transform. Metal plates shifted about and gears clinking into place. From it’s back four long blades shot out and from its butt a long tail with more propellors protruded. It was not long before the camel was completely transformed--it was a helecopter.

“Wow that’s so cool!” Paulina remarked. “But we dont have Scaraban currency…… do you take Eagleland money”

“Nope. Sorry kids, looks like no ride for yo-” Before the man could finish his sentence Fred had already turned him into a steaming pile of meat.

“Frederick Im getting really tired of you killing people randomly like that.” Swiss said crossing his arms. “Now whatre we gonna do? Without the guy whose gonna fly the chopper?”

“Me idiot” Fred pickpocketed the man’s pilet’s license and scribbled his name on it with a permenent marker. “See look, I’m a licensed pilet.” 

“Your a menace! I almost hope we crash so you die with us to!” Be grudgingly Paulina and Swiss got on the helicopter. Fred hopping in the pilet’s seat took the controls and moments later they were in the air, soaring through the clouds.

“Ok look guys, I really should come clean, I just didnt want to say it down there where goverment spies could hear.” Fred sighed, coming his hair. “Im actually a weapon of mass destruction designed by my dad, I mean Dr. Andonuts. A psychic soldier you could say. That’s why my powers are so deadly and Im so violent. I was made to kill. Before you guys came I was about to be shipped off to the Winters military so they could use me to fight the war with Chommo. That’s also why I dont Asians by the way.”

Suddenly tears appeared in Fred’s eyes. “In reality I don’t like killing, its just my nature. I’m sorry Ive been such a douchebag but honestly Ive just been lost my whole life. You guys finally gave me a purpose and direction in my life and I didnt know how to say that so I just became bitter and spiteful. Now that I finally have a chance to speak my mind I just wanted to say that. At least now you know. I dont expect you to forgive me but thats okay, I just wanted you to understand everything.”

“That’s ok Fred,” Swiss said “Your our friend you always have been. We dont care that you’re a human weapon, honestly I think that’s pretty cool. I dont like that you kill people but you know what it was what you were made to do so honestly I understand. We forgive you Fred.”

“Don’t speak for me” Paulina spat. “Fred is a jerk and I hate his guts. No offense Fred but I really wouldnt mind it if you killed yourself.”

“Dont mind her, she’s on her period, trust me I checked” Swiss took Fred’s hand, “Bros before hoes dude, and we’ll be bros for life.”

“Fuck yeah! Bros for life!” Fred and Swiss gave each other a big hug. Paulina didnt want to admit it but it turned her on a little bit. After a moment they released each other and looked through the windshield.

They were approaching a large city. Buildings made of black metal pierced the red clouds with thunderous lightning zapping all around them. Billboards with the logo of the APL Corporation were plastered every where along with a bunch of pictures of Apple Guy’s grinning face. In the middle of the city there was a huge building. It the APL headquarters.

“Well guys…….. Looks like its time to do this”


	22. Seige on APL

From the guard towers that surround Fourside rockets and bullets come flying at the helicopter. Fred wobbled the controls dodging the projectiles but unfortunatley he was not fast enough to avoid all of it. A stray missle crashed into the back of the chopper causeing the rear propeller to explode a firey explosion. Alarms blared from inside the cockpit, and just like that the three are going down.

“Well, its do or die time” From his back pack Swiss pulled out a pair of sunglasses and put them on, increasing his guts by 24. Paulina nearly swooned and even Fred was a little jealous of his swag. But they new it was not the time for such frivilous thoughts. Together they leapted out of the helicopter just as it crashed into the ground with a big burst of flames.

“Lock and load mother fuckers.” Fred takes a swig of water and then produces his PK Pistol Gamma. From the streets waves upon waves of robots and APL goons were rushing forth ready to take thier lives for their master Apple Man. Fred fired into the crowd taking out whoever stood in his way, come civilians got in the way but they’re deaths were for the ggood of stopping Apple Man.

Swiss bound forth and began whacking off everyone with his baseball bat. PK Swing Betas and Gammas were activated sending Barbots and Lil Ufos sailing into the distance. Suddenly he realized something. These goons were the same hench men that Giygas employed back during the invasion of the earth. Damn Apple Man mustve found a stache somewhere.

Paulina sent Burst after PK Burst into the horde of enemies. They tried fireing lasers at her pretty face but they were unable to hit their target because they were too busy being blow to peaces by PK Burst. 

“Lets take this to the sky.” Swiss said. Nodding cutely Paulina filled her legs with PSI energy as did Swiss. Together they used PK Jump Beta flying way way up into the air, it was almost as if they had reclaimed there lost helicopter. Anyway while in the air Paulina fired a bunch of Bursts and Swiss used PK Starstrike oblitering anything that stood below him. Before long the streets were no longer filled with enemies, everything had been destroyed. Smirking the two fell back to the ground, taking 30 Hp of fall damage though.

“Damn you guys didnt leave any for me,” Fred mumbled. “Ok actually scratched that, here comes more!”

Right on cue a ton of cybernetic soldiers came marching forth. They looked like Japanese samuris but made out of metal holding long deadly spears with glowing red eyes. They were Borgs, and they were ready to fight.

Suddenly, Fred became enraged.

“Asain... I see Asian things………”

Swiss and Paulina smiled at each and stepped back, knowing what would happened next.

Fred was filled with rage. In his fury he gained the abiliy to use PK Pistol Omega. Now replacing his assault rifle was a rocket launcher made of PSI energy. With a shriek of anger Fred used 35 PP to shoot a PK missile at the hoard of Borgs. The entire front line was blown away but they kept coming, shooting PK Beams from their speartips. But Fred only retaliated with more rockets and by the time he was out of PP they were all gone.

“Good work Fred, guess you can’t complain about getting no action now, huh?” Paulina said.

“Well I can but not in this context.” Fred winked and cuckled at the same time. “Anyway let’s get to the APL building before more shit comes our way!”

Swiss and Paulina nodded and they all ran down the streets of Fourside. The townspeople looked distraught but it was okay because they were being saved from their oppressive authoritartion government soon enough.

All of the sudden they stoop. Standing before them now is a mob of metal men. They stand tall and have there arms perpetually at their hips. Some wierd symbols had been scratched off their chests to make room for the APL logo. Suddenly Swiss realized who they were. They were the Starmen, they same evil aliens that he served Giegue back when invaded Earth.

“Halt earthlings *whirr*” A Starmen said whirring. “You cannot *click* be allowed to *whir* see Apple Man. *whirr* *click* Prepare to die”

The Starmen army prepared a Starstorm of they’re own.


	23. A Deluxe Battle

The psychic stars rained down once again only this time, they were directed at the heros. Huge explosions of blue racked the streets of Fourside sending civilians and more importantly cops exploding into lots of nasty giblets. Swiss Paulina and Fred all ran back, trying to avoid the Starstorm but unfortunately they were all caught in the blast. They collapsed on the ground barely alive. However before they’re HP all scrolled down to zero Swiss used PK Lifeup Omega bringing them all back to thier feet.

“Damn that shit really hurt, now I can see why that dipshit Chang made such a fuss about giving you his power” Fred said spitting blood onto the assphault.

“Yeah that took a lot of out me, thats what I get for not restoring my PP.” Swiss mumbled. “We cant let them get off another attack like that or else they might be cleaning us off the sidewalk, c’mon guys!”

And just like that they rushed forward. The Starmen tried to charge another Starstorm but they were interrupted by a stream of bat strikes, PK Bursts and psychic rockets. As they were picked off one by one the alien robots started retaliating with beams Defense Spray but much to they’re shagrin defense spray only increases physical defense so it didn’t really do anything. Before long the crowd was thinning out even the Ghost of starmans began to drop quickly. It wasn’t not long before their was only one Starman left. It was gray like the regular Starmen but it had long spikes covering its shoulders and head. Instantly Swiss could tell who this was.

“What the *whirr* that’s bullsh*click*, you wiped out my entire *whirring* army you little bit*clicks*.” The Starman Deluxe stomped and stamped its feet, well it looks like the robot wasn’t so deluxe in terms of maturity. 

“Yeah we did, what are you gonna do about it?” Paulina taunted kind of bitchy like but cute nonetheless.

“I’m going to nuke your sorry *click* that’s what, Ill turn you into a blood smoothie you little *whirr click click whirring clicks*!” The Starman DX rised its pointed arms into the air and soon after a powerful hum began to sound off from its body. “PK STARSTORM OMEGA MOTHERFU*click*CKERS!”

The crimson clouds above the APL Building opened up and from them a rain of stars even bigger than the last rained down. The entirety of Fourside lit up as the psychic armeggdon threatened to wipe half the town off of the face of the Earth. Suddenly time began to slow down like an anime scene so that the group could discuss their next course of action.

“Welp looks like its’ time to throw in the towel”, Fred commented.

“What??? No we can’t give up now were too close! We have to do something!” Paulina said clasping her hands.

“Okay well if you fucking insist maybe I’ll think of something.” Fred thought of something. “I thought of something. Maybe Swiss could counteract the PSI Starstorm with his own PK Starstrike. Its risky and we’re still very likely to die but I think it’s realistically our only chance of survival in this scenario.”

“I’ll have to try……. For the sake of the world and in the memory of Chang I have to try!!!!” Swiss raised his arms and let out a huge scream. “PK STARSTRIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Right on cue another batch of stars began to rain down. High above them the two storms of stars collided with each other, exploding into mighty bursts like the world’s most dangerous fireworks show. A lot of the Starstorm was counteracted by the Starstrike but Swiss was starting to get overwhelmed. The raw strength of the Starman DX was obvious and for a moment all hope seemed to be lost. 

All of the sudden, a voice rang out over the area.

“Greetings, my friends.” It was Chang “Swiss, you seem to be in a dire situation. The power my soul has granted you can only last so long. If I use the rest of my strength here, you won’t be able to use Starstrike again. Are you okay with this?”

“What do you think you rearted Asian,” Fred spat. “He won’t be able to use Starstrike any way if he fucking dies you headless limpdicked virgin.”

“Ah, right. Well, here you go! Take this, Swiss! The last of my power!”

The voice of Chang disappeared and instantly Swiss felt empowered. He screamed again even louder than before.

“PK STARSTRIKE OMEGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Even more stars came to support the ongoing battle in the clouds. Within seconds the Starman Deluxe’s power seemed pathetic in comparison to the Starstrike Omega. Soon all of its stars had been completely nullified and it was hit by a big blast of Swiss’s stars. Both of it’s arms were blown off and it slumped to its knees, sparks flying from its chest.

“Un*whirring*believeable, beaten by a little kid and a dead Asian.” The Starman DX flashed a menacing smile. “Well guess what *click*ers, I’m not dead yet. All I need is a couple more seconds, and you three will be fuck*whi-”

In a flash Fred ran forth and slit the Starman’s throat. Before another word could escape its fowl mouth it fell to the ground completely dead.

“Well, it looks like Jackie Chan was worth something afterall,” Fred said with a cuckel. Swiss and Paulina stepped forth and they all turned to face the new threat before them.

The APL Building.


	24. GUARDIAN GAUNTLET

With the Starman Deluxe defeated the three children approached the now-vulneralbe APL building. It was incredibly massive piercing the sky with its visag,e but the kids were not intimidated. In fact they were now more determined than ever. Determined to kick Apple Guy’s butt and save the world and poor people from his wrath.

“Well obviously walking right through the front door is like just asking to be killed” Fred remarked. “So fuck that. Lets do things a little more stylishy. Are you thinkin what Im thinkin’ Swiss.”

“You bet your but.” With a huge grin Swiss squatted down. Moments later he used PK Jump Beta and flies way up the side of the APL Building. Paulina follows suit with her own PK Jump and all that was left was Fred. Without the ability to use PK Jump, He aimed his PK Pistol Omega at the ground and fired. The explosion was huge and had enough force to send him sailing up the sky scraper alongside Swiss and Paulina. Along the way to the top drones and High Class UFOES fired beams and bullets at them but they were all swatted away like metallic flies. Soon afterward they arrived at the top floor, Swiss using PK Swing to break through the wall and enter the building.

They were now in a large empty room. An ominous red glow covered everything in the chamber as if they were covered in blood. The room was devoid of objects except for a lone door at the end. It had the letters APL branded on it, and eight multicolored key card slots were positioned around it.

“That has to be where Apple Man is hiding!” Paulina shouted. “We have all the key cards, so we can go in and beat him up!”

“Not if we have anything to say about it, and we do.”

Suddenly a hoard of creatures appeared from out of nowhere in flashes of light. Their powerful light was incredibly bright nearly blinding the trio, but it soon went away allowing them to see the true forms of the figures. They consisted of a big ant, a huge mole, a large pile of dirt with a withered sprout at the top, a sentient mushroom a diseased rat, two elemental spirits, a weird robot and lastly a dog on fire. Swiss gasped, recognizing them all immediately, they were the Sanctuary guardians all back from the dead.

“So you finally got here,” they all said at once. “This isnt a “your Sancutray” location, but its still ours. Take it from us…….. If you dare!!!!!”

Without anymore questions asked the battle was on. Titanic Ant stepped forth rearing his meanicing mandibles. But because he was the weakest of them all he was easily dispatched by Swiss with a single use of PK Swing, splattering into the wall like the bug he is.

Mondo Mole was up next. He slashed his claws about but he was too slow to hit any of the group. Remembering the moles’ weakness from the stories Ness used to tell her she cast PK Paralysis turning the mammal into a statue. It fell to the ground allowing her to easily finish it off with a chop to the throat.

The next Guardian was Trillionage Sprout. It threw a bunch of seeds onto the ground in an attempted to grow little Mobile sprouts but because the floor was metal seeds could not grow. So instead it tried to diamondize them with his bright eyes but Swiss and Fred were wearing sunglasses so it didnt affect them and Paulina just covered her eyes. Before it get could get off another attack Fred launched a PSI rocket into it blowing it to pieces, and just like that the plant was nothing more than fertilizer.

Sliding forth was Shrooom! And his dreary eyes. He belched spores threatening to make everyone feel weird but thankfully Fred had a few gasmasks in reserve for just an occasion. As such the kids were uneffected by the spores but unluckily for the mushroom it was not so lucky. It inhaled a large cloud of spores and instantly felt strange. In fact it felt so strange that it got up and walked right out the hole in the window that Swiss made falling all the way to the streets below. Another one bites the dust, this time quite literally.

Now irritated at the turn of events Plauge Rat of Doom sauntered forward and hissed scarily, spraying the floor with diseased droplets. It charged forward and thrashed its rotten teeth. The kids all dodged out of the way knowing that they would get SMAAAASH!!ed if they didnt get out of the way. Paulina knew that they had to take the rat out soon or they would be mincemeat, so she fired a blast of PK Burst into the rat’s throat as it ran by. Moments later and the rodent was nothing more than a skidmark on the floor, but more like a skidmark in your underwhere not like the ones on the road.

Up next Thunder and Storm separated from each other and flew at different targets, namely Fred and Swiss. Storm cuckled and chucked a lighting bolt at Swiss but he just hit it back with his bat causing the electricity demon to fizzle into nothingness. Thunder used his big lips to suck away all of Fred’s PP but little did the spirit know that he had a backup pistol in his back pocket for just an occasion. With a triple tap to the forehead Thunder gave up the ghost.

Second to last Electro Spector hovered into view. Using elector magnetism he warped his arms into hammers and began whamming and bamming all across the room. Swiss went in for a bat strike but the static electricty shocked him before he could get close enough. Seeing this Paulina used PK Bust but unfortunately the robot had a PSI Shield. But this did not deter her, she kept firing off Burst after Burst while doding lightning blasts whittling the specter’s shield away until it was completely gone. Just before she ran out of PP she used one more burst rendering Electro Specter’s electricity weak enough that Swiss could come in with the finishing blow.

With all the other Guardians defeated there was only one more left. It was Carbon Dog, and her fur was flaming as hot as ever. Unphased the group all attacked at once, bombarding the canine with attacks. She retailiated by firing a bunch of napalm melting through the floors but it did not stop the kids. They dogpiled her so badly that she was forced to morph into Diamond Dog with a flash of rainbow colors. In her crystalized form she bit down on Fred’s arm really hard instantly morphing him into a diamond. However this only served to be her downfall. With telekinesis Paulina picked up the Fred statue and slammed it Diamond Dog, after all the only thing that could break a dimond was another diamond. Cracks were sent all through the canine’s body before she split into fragments, the final Guardian defeated. One Healing Omega later and Fred was back to normal.

“Well, that’s all of them. That wasnt too bad now was it, so much for Apple Man’s elite guard,” Swiss commented smugly.

“Gah my fuckin head, thanks for that Paulina.” Fred spat rubbing his temples.

“Your welcome, now it’s time to end this.” Paulina pointed a finger at the door. “Swiss use those key cards and get us to Apple Guy!”

“Not so fast.”

They all turned around. Rising from the floor was a new figure. They all gasped upon realizing who it was.

Standing before them was Shane Mesa the former composer for Mother 4.


	25. BATTLE AGAINST MESA

Several minutes prior

Walking into a dark room he liks his lips. Dressed in a sharp looking black tuxedo the man stares down at his victim. Its Meryl from Mother 4, her face completely soaked in tears. She is tied to the wall with a chain that suppresses PSI so she cannot even hope to break free. Her dress is riped in several places and her cheeks have multiple brusies on them. Which cheeks are being referred to is up to interpretation

“Hey gorgeous” Shane says winking at Meryl. “Ready for some more fun? Because I am.” He grins evily as Meryl cries silent tears.

“Just let me die…… I dont have anything to live for now that my friends are dead.” She weeped, grasping at the floor with her chipped nail.

“No can do,” Shane said sinisterly. “Im not done with you yet. I’m going to have my way with you like the Mother 4 development team had theyre way with me. This is the ultimate revenge, the ultimate revenge for not capitolizing on thier vision and making tons of money, poor fuckers!”

Shane laughs again grabbed Meryl by the waste. She is too weak to fight back because she is a girl and doesn’t not have excess to her VOX (PSI but stupider) powers.

“Now quit grumbling. Actually…… cry all you want. It makes everything all the sweater.” Shane giggled unzipping his pants. However before he can whip out his one eye wizard an alarm bell rang out. It was the intruder alarm bell that told him that intruders had entered the APL building. “Oh of all the rotton luck. Okay you stay here my sweet, Ill be back in a gif.”

With that Shane stepped out of the room leaving Meryl to let out a sigh of relieve. But she was not to relieved because she new he would just be back in a few minutes so she began to cry again. 

“Please God…….. I know you dont exist but if you do…….. Help me……..” 

Rainbow Jesus considered interveneing but then he remembered the one time Meryl had skipped Sunday school because she was sick so he decided to jut let her suffer. And suffer she did as Shane walked further and farther away.

 

Present

Shane cackled as the group was shocked to see him standing before them.

“Shane Messa…. The original Mother 4 composer???? But why? Why are you working for Apple Man?!!” Swiss questioned.

“Simple” Shane spat. “Money. The Mother 4 team were a bunch of retards who spent all of thier time jacking off to Leo porn instead of actually working on the dam game. And then when work actually got done they decided to turn the game from a Mother fan game into an original work. But get this….. It was still going to be free!!!!! Excuse me what the fuck are you smoking, if your going to have it be original than fucking charge people for it dumbfucks. God damn and I thought the Vox shit was the dumbest idea to come out of those nimrods.”

Fred growled producing his PK Pistol Omega. “Greedy fucker, I waited for Mother 4 for fucking years, I bet your the reason it didnt come out in Winter 2014!” A PSI rocket launched forth threatening to blast Shane away but he countered with a blast of pure sound.

“Shane please, you’re not evil! You dont have to work for Apple Guy!!!” Paulina pleaded cutely.

“Shut the fuck up girly, you dont know me. I’m as evil as a Liberal politican and that’s saying something.” Shane activated his earrape canon blasting huge waves of sound across the room. Freds eardrums burst but a little Lifeup solved that problem as the other two dodged out of the way.

“There’s more to life then money Shane! What about your music?! Your music is great,” Swiss said reluctant to battle with the composer. 

“You bet your squishy asscheeks it is, which is why I deserved to get paid for my work but oops, look what happened!” Shane slapped some headphones on his ears and smirked. “The time for talk is over, now its the time for dyeing!!!!!”

Shane set his earrape cannons to maximum overdrive. From the speakers came a sound not unlike the sound of Kraktos’s eruption only way louder. The trio’s eardrums all burst and they found themselves completely immobilizied.

“Shane….. Please…..” Swiss tried to say but his voice was drowned by the earrape.

“I win fuckers! Master Apple Man will be so happy to see that you died that he’ll give me a raise, far more than the Mother 4 team ever did!!!!” Shane laughed like a mad man and it was becoming increasingly obvious that he had completely lost it.

It was looking like the end.


	26. Key Cards of Power

Suddenly shining with power from Swiss’s butt pockets were the Key cards of Power. As Shane’s earape continued to ravage the group the key cards glowed with power, illuminating the room with bright colors. Shane’s eyes began to burn and even the kids were forced to look away because of the glare. Moments later there was an explosion of sound that drowned out even the sounds of the earrapes canons. With a flash the Key Cards of Power disappeared and along with them, Shane’s only method of attack. With his earrape cannons gone he was totaly defenseless.

With smug faces the group sauntered forwards using PK Lifeup to heal they’re injuries right up. Swiss pulled out his bat and slapped against the palms of hand and grinned wickedly as Shane hunched over fear floding his face.

“No……. no! How??!! Impossible!!!!!?!?!? How did my earrape get go away?!!?!!” Shane peered up at the group as they continued to approaching him. “Heh… hehehee….. You guys know I was just joking with the whole killing you thing………. Seriously it was just a prank!!!! I didnt mean any harm!!!”

“Well it seems like those Key cards were good for more than just opening doors eg guys,” Swiss commented.

“You bet. They also have the ability to save our butts when we need them the most it seems,” Paulina added with a devilish smirk. “Now it seems like there’s only one more thing to do here……. What could that be?”

“Uhhhh…… leaving me alone and continuing on you’re marry way?” Shane mumbled meekly.

“Fuck no! It’s time for you to pay asshole! This is what you get for rupturing my ear drums so many times!!!!!!” Fred ran forth kicking Shane in the throat sending him into a nearby wall. He grabbed his glock and began filling the evil musicians body full of holes, before long he started looking like swiss (heh) cheese but he was still alive as Fred intentionally didn’t not shot his vital organs.

“Kill me then…… kill me fuckers so I can spit on you from the after life!!” Shane shouted as blood spat all over the floor.

“Nah. That would be too easy. Were gonna make you really suffer for everything youve done.” Swiss extended his hand and using Lifeup healing Shane’s injuries. All the bulletholes that previous riddled him disappeared and he was soon good as new. “We’re gonna saver this….. Paulina, your up”

“My pleasure!” Paulina casted PK Burst sending Shane flying across the room. Like a pingpong ball he was knocked from blast to blast his limbs turning black like ash. With a final slap from her hand Shane was on the ground but before he could die he was healed again.

“My turn….. Get ready Shane……. Im gonna make a mess from this Mesa!!!!!” Swiss raised his bat over his head and brought it down on Shanes skull. Teeth and eyeballs went flying onto the ground but Swiss wasnt done yet. He continued to pulverize Shane’s head using PK Lifeup each time to save the musician from iminent death. Eventually Shane stopped screaming because Swiss smashed his throat too preventing him from screeaming.

“Now it’s time for the finishing blow!” Paulina casted PK Burst on Shane blasting his arms and legs away into the walls. Fred equipped his PSI rocket launcher and annihilated Shane’s torso in a burst of colorful psychic energy. Lastly Swiss used PK Swing on Shane’s head sending it through the broken window into the distance never to be seen again.

“You’re project has been cancelled.”

Suddenly from behind them there was a cheer. They all turned around to see Meryl standing behind them and cheering. She had used VOX Laser to break her chain since it was an anti-PSI chain not an anti-VOX chain. She could almost not believe what she had just seen but dream or not it was the first bit of happiness she had seen in a long while. Tears streaming from her face she ran to Swiss burying her head in his warm pecs.

“Oh my god thank you so much for killing Shane, he killed all of my friends and did horrible things to me and his dick smelled like moldy cheese and it was so horrible and scary and oh my gosh thanks you so much!” Meryl continued to cry into Swiss as he blushed unsure of how to process everything. Before he could respond though Paulina casted PK Burst Omega on Meryl and instantly she crumbled to dust dying instantly.

“Cheap thot touching you like that…… Good thing I was here to protect your virginity right Swiss.”

Swiss nodded unsure of what else to do.

“Man you couldve at least saved her for me when am I gonna get some pussy huh?” Fred whined. “Anyway its time that we get a move on. Swiss put the Key cards of Power into the slots on that door.

“I cant they disentegrated” Swiss said.

“Fuck, looks like we’re taking the long way through the server room then,” and with that being said the three left the room after many battles and many close calls.

It was time to take down Apple Man.


	27. Apple Man's Evil Plan

Taking the long way through the server rooms the group is rushing their bodies sweeting profusely. After traveling the world and fighting so many battles it was finally time to confront they’re greatest enemy yet. And before long there he was, Apple Man owner of the APL Corperation, sitting on his plush red chair in the middle of a room filled with huge machines and TV screens and wires and other mechanical things. Apple Man scoffed taking a sip from of his apple juice.

“So….. we meet again Swiss and Paulina. And I presume you are Fred am I wrong?” the plump evil CEO says running a hand through his neckbeard.

“You bet you’re ass I am Apple Fucker,” Fred said trying to be intimidating but he just came off as lame which the others cringed at. “We’re here too kick your ass and take your name and stop your evil plan to kill all the worlds’ poor people’

“Is that so?” Apple Man chugged more apple juice letting it run down his squishy cheeks. “Well Im afriad that’s not going to happen. You see while you were runnin around gathering key cards like a bunch of ignorami playing hide and seek I was busy perfecting my master plan. A master plan that decimates all other master plans and makes me the master of master plans. And now I will explain it to you because I want you to appreciate it’s genius.”

From his back pocket Apple Man pulled out something astounding. It glowed golden like a miniature sun and had a stem like a fruit but mostly like an apple. It shimmered in Apple Man’s hand as his fingers tightly clutching it. Swiss’s eyes went wide and his jaw dropped to the floor. He could not believe what he was seeing.

It was the Apple of Enlightenment the powerfull time-traveling artifact that Giygas and Porky had used to almost take over the world.

“Thats right worms, while you were wandering around and jacking each other off like a homeless shelter bukake I was busy collecting the pieces of the Apple of Enlightenment from across the globe.” Apple Guy smiled evilly. “You see when Ness and his merry fucksquad came back from the past they brought the Apple with them, but they they broke it into pieces to try and preventing it from being used for evil every again. And then they donated to some poor people like the goody-goody twoshoed dipshiters that they are.”

Apple man cackles loudly, even though it wasnt as loud as Shane’s earrape canons it still hurt their ears just as badly, “Anyway they did a shit job of hiding the pieces because I easily found them all, and now using the power of time travel Im going to go back and establish Communism on Earth preventing poor people from existing in society all together!”

Apple Man’s grin widening he points at Swiss. “But first Im going to go back and kill Ness before he can impregnant Paula with you Swiss effectively erasing you from history! Then no one will be able to stop me! It’s a fool proof plan mother fuckers!”

“Your totally insane Apple Man!” Paulina said astutuely. “We’re going to stop you no what, time travel or no time travel!”

“Actually while Im at it I’ll probably make Paula my hot wife too, I mean with Ness out of the picture she’ll be free as can be” Apple Man liking his lips. “But theres just one more thing I need to do before all it said and done. The Apple is missing one peace you see.” Apple Man held up the Apple of enlightenment where the rest could see and indeed it looked like someone took a big ass bite out of it. “The last piece they hid somewhere they thought no one would never find it, but guess what bitches, I found it, it’s on Uranus!”

Fred sniggered.

“Shut the fuck up that’s not funny.” Apple Man scoffing slids the Apple back between his ass cheeks. “Well its been fun chatting but I need to go rewrite history, toodles!”

Suddenly the floor underneath Apple Man rising up with rocket propulsions. He chortles as the ceiling opens above him revealing a canvas of a starry night. Paulina and Fred launch PK Burst and PSI missles but its too late, Apple Man has already disappeared.

Just like that they were back at square one, there arch enemy escaped once more.


	28. Noble Sacrifice

“FUCK I CAN’T BELIEVE HE GOT AWAY” Fred screams banging his head on the floor. Paulina begins to tear up as Swiss comes up from behind her and gently stroking her tearing face.

It was a disaster unlike anything else. Apple Man they’re arch nemesis had escaped and was going to wipe them from reality usiung the power of the Apple of Enlightnement. Somehow his rocketing platform had lifted him into space taking him straight to Uranus where the last peace of the apple was and now he was going to use his immortal time powers to eradicate all poor people and make Paula his girlfriend. It was truly a disaster unlike anything else.

Fred continued to spew explicitives as Swiss and cute Paulina cried together when suddenly there was a ringing from Swiss’s backpack. He opened it up and sawed the jar filled with Master Brap in it.

“Oh God light, am I finally free,” Master Brap askes as Swiss grabs the jar.

“No Swiss replied chucking Brap into a nearby nuclear reactor.”

After a moment more of digging he found what was looking for. A black rotary phone that contained the soul of Ness his dad. Wow he had almost forgoten he was in there. Anyway Swiss saw that the phone was roinging so he picked up the reciver and put it to his ear. “Hello?”

“Hey son,” Ness said through the phone “it seems as if I was asleep for a while, what did I miss.”

“A lot of stuff dad, we fought a lot of bad guys and monsters and terrorists and we got all of the Key cards of power and raided APL and we beated all of the Sanctuary Guardains and Shane Mesa but Apple Man got away in the end and now hes going to use the Apple of Enlightenment to erase you and us from history and kill all poor people.”

“Wow that’s really bad actually, did anything else happen”

From out of nowhere Fred interjected saying “he also said he was going to fuck your wife Mr Swiss’s dad.”

“Aw he*ll no” Ness replied with fury. “Where is that little cunt Ill kick his fucking nuts so hard they’ll fly through his ass and into his mouth.”

“Dad you shouldnt say bad words like that” Paulina said. “Anyway Apple Guy is in space so there’s no way we can catch him now, looks like even after everything we did, we loose…..…”

“Wow that is utter quitter talk I hear, just as I expected from religious people.” Everyones heads go flying toward the door where they see Jeff Andonuts striding in, behind him there is a large grey machine and on top of it is a small fleshy blobly creature with a big nose and a red bow. 

“Dad?!” Fred said springing up. He goes in for a hug but Jeff slaps him across the ass planting him on the ground in an instant.

“You stupid fucking queer idiot, look at much trouble youve caused now,” Jeff spat vilely. “I regret making you you piece of shit fucking failure, honestly killl yourself now so I can laugh and then piss on your grave.”

Rushing forward Swiss and Paulina and Ness all scowling at Jeff step in front of the crying Fred.

“Now I understand where Fred got all of his bad traits, their all from you!” Paulina said meanly but also in a cute manner.

“Yeah!” Swiss agreed, “Your the real jerk after all, you made Fred this way and tried to blame it on faulty genes or something like that, well guess what thats not how genetics works, trust me I took eighth grade science.”

“Jesus H. Christ (whom I dont believe in) I cant believe Im getting barked at by a bunch of fa****got kids, God damn did Ness even raise you right,” he stops and eyes Ness with nervously “oh hi Ness, didnt’t see you there……”

“Jeff I have to say Im incredibly disappointed in you right now. Both in the way that you talked to my kids and your own. You’re not the same Jeff Andonuts I adventured with all those years ago before I died and got turned into a phone. No your just a shallow shell of your former peppy self, science has made you cold and bitter to the world and also because you lost your dad you became cold and bitter and couldnt find a way to bottle up those feelings so you took them out on others. Well Jeff as much as I dont want to say this I have no choice…… you’re not my friend anymore.”

Tears in his eyes Jeff falls to the floor his strength sapped by that verbal beatdown. His crying pooled into puddles beneath him and his words devolved into quivering mutterings. It was almost embarrassng. Anyway after a while he picked himself up and addressed the group.

“I’m so incredibly sorry everyone, I cant believe I let myself slip away from the integrity that I used to have back when I was a part of the Chosen Four.” He took off his glasses and wiped his eyes. “I promise that from now on Ill stop being such a douchebag and return to my nice old self that loved God and practiced science for the good of mankind and not just my own selfish desires.” Smiling Jeff stepped out of the way giving them a clear view of his newest invention. “Please except this as an apology gift. This is the Sky Runner DX EX Mark 2.0, or the DEXM 2.0 for short. I built it to help you go into space to fight Apple Man with the help of this Mr. Saturn.”

The creature jumped down and began honking. “YeS That IS righTings I hELPed To BUIldeD thIs DeviCE BOING”

“Oh god its retarded Fred said” I gotta put it out of its misery.” With a triple tap from his PK Pistol the Mr. Saturn fell to the ground dead. Jeff sauntered over to Fred with a smile.

“Good shot son, anyway there’s only one more thing I need to make the DEXM 2.0 functional”

“And what would that be?” Swiss and Paulina asked at the same time.

“A human soul, anybody feel like being sacrificed.” With a sigh Fred stepped forth and held out his arms.

“This is my time to shine, ever since birth I knew I was a fuckup. I can finally be useful right here right now, not only by taking myself out of this world but by helping you guys taking out Apple Man.” With tears in their eyes Swiss Paulina, and Jeff ran over to Fred and began begging him to not do it. “Its too late, I’ve already made up my mind.”

Fred opened up the side of the DEXM 2.0 where the soul absorber module was and prepared to give himself a triple tap to the forehead. “This is goodbye my friends, sorry I was such a dick.”

But before he could do the deed Ness leaped form Swiss’s arms pushing Fred out of the way and plobing himself into the soul absorber. Insteadly his phone body was destroyed leaving behind only his pure soul, a kid with black hair a red cap and a striped shirt with a yellow backpack and baseball bat.

“To tell you the truth kids,” Ness began, “my time was limited anyway. Back when Rainbow Jesus gave me that phone body I could tell something was up, and lo and behold I soon realized what. I was slowly withering away into nothing his power slowly draining out of me. Sooner or later I was going to disappear anyway, so now is the perfect place for me to help you out one last time.”

“DAD NO!!!!” Swiss and Paulina shouted at the same time and even Jeff was crying at the sight of his former friend’s soul but there was nothing they could do, he had already made up his mind.

“This is the last of my power, take it and use it wisely.” Ness gave off of a shockwave of energy. It enveloped Swiss causing his body to glow with rainbow light.

Swiss gained the Power of the Eight Sanctuaries and PK Rockin’ Omega!!!

“Dad….. thank you. I promise after I get the apple I’ll go back and time and stop all of this from happening.” Swiss muttered.

“No son, you must destroy the Apple so nothing like this can happen again,” Ness ordered. “Promise me that if anything. Now with the last last of my power I’ll power the DEXM 2.0 so you kids can stop Apple Man. I love you, and tell Paula that I love her too, and that I’m sorry I never got to have ‘fun time’ with her one last time, okay?”

“Okay dad……”

“Thanks, and for the last time, PEACE”

Ness gave a piece sign and exploded into light. Just like that DEXM 2.0 came to life glowing with an ethereal glow.

With solenm eyes the kids knew what they had to do now. Jeff nodded as well knowing that they knew what they had to do now.

Without hesitation they climbed into the DEXM 2.0 and prepared for liftoff.


	29. Into Outer Space

Up and up they went, getting further and farther from the ground with every passing second, the engine blasting like a fat man on the toilet after scarfing down a lot of Mach Pizza pizza. Swiss Fred and Paulina all held on for dear life as they saw Fourside begin to disappear behind them. Soon before long they passed the cloud barrier, and not long after that they were staring down at the blue orb nown as Earth. It was a beatiful sight but they couldnt’ not take the time to appreciate it at the moment. They were on a mission--stop Apple Man and stop him from messing with time.

In a matter of minutes the Sky Runner DX EX 2.0 (DEXM 2.0) was passing the Moon the gray rock flying by like a popfly from one of Swiss’s teammates. For a moment he remembered just how awful they were at baseball but he quickly forgot about that. After all they had a mission--stop Apple Man and stop him from stoping time.

“Man the stars are so pretty from this close,” Paulina remarked in a cute voice. “Its too bad we can’t stop and admire them. After all we have a mission to stop Apple Man and stop him from screwijng up time with the Apple of Enlightenment.”

“Yeah thats right, well said Paulina” Fred winked moving in for a smooch but Paulina used PK Burst alpha on his face, using 4 PP and causing him to recoil into the corner and cry.

“Dad’s power is flowing into me….. I can almost feel him inside of me.” Swiss remarked. “This is it guys, its do or die time, because we have a mission and thats to stop Apple Man-”

“Ok don’t say that again we’ve heard it like five times,” Fred spat from the corner.

Before Paulina could reply with sassy cuteness the DEXM 2.0 was suddenly rocket alarm bells flaring. The three began to panic rushing to the control panel. Through the windows they could see a bunch of shiny objects approaching them, upon closer inspection they saw a a lot of High class Ufos and Beautiful UFOS closing in on them. In addition they also saw apple-shaped ships piloted by squishy tentacled creatures. Swiss gasped, immediately recognizing them. They were Mooks like the ones the Chosen Four had fought.

“SURRENDER NOW EARTH SHITLINGS” One elder mook saide very loudly through a speaker on one of the ships. “IF YOU GIVE UP NOW WELL LET YOU WAIT FOR YOUR INEVETABLE ERASER IN PIECE. AND IF NOT WELL MAKE YOU WAIT IN PEACE!!!!”

“Aw great, alien fuckers just what we needed.” Fred scowled summoning his PK Pistol Omega. “Allright Swiss let’s go out there and give these ass drippings what for.”

“You got it buddy,” Swiss saying his body surrounding by a psychic aura. “Paulina you stay here and drive, we dont want you to get hurt.”

“Oh that’s just great, make the woman do the driving I see how it Swiss,” Paulina pounted but in reality she knew there was no other choice. Reluctantly grabbing the controls as Swiss and Fred opened the cock pit and stood on the top of the DEXM 2.0 ready to do battle.

“OK TARD TIGGLERS, YOUR ASKING FOR IT.” The Ufos and mooks began letting lose with lasers and a ton of PK Freeze blasts. Fred and Swiss put up barriers using up multiple PP points and then retaliated with their respective PSI. Several UFOs were blown out of the sky as they passed Mars, where a fleet of Starman came flying forward. They did not fly ships instead flying with their arms outstreached in a t-pose.

“Fuck more fuckers,” Fred spat. “Swiss you deal with the mooks, Ill get these robo bitches.”

“Got it” following that plan Swiss launched PK Starstrike at the ufos obliterating them instantly leaving only some mooks lying around. Fred blasted Starman after Starman out of the sky and soon there were only Final starmen left. Together with the Mooks they really put the pressure on the DEXM 2.0.

“Jesus this is tougher than I thought, could it get any worse.” And as if in response to Fred’s question as they past Saturn a fleet of Mr. Saturns came out of nowhere flying in mini flying saucers.

“geT the FUCK oFF Our ProPERtIe.” The Saturns began shooting peanut cheese bars at the ship splatting on the windshield like yellow diarreah.”

“Why did you say anything Fred?!” Swiss continued to spam Starstrike taking out most of the remaining mooks but the Saturns remained. Fred blasted the rest of the starmen leaving just the saturns but they’re fire was getting faster.

“Damn, we might not just make it……” Fred said as peanut splattered in his face.

“Dont be so quick to give up!” Paulina shouted from inside the cock. “Were going to win one way or another!” From the side of the DEXM 2.0 powerful PK Beams shot forth blasting the Mr. Saturns into the deepest reachs of outer space. It was not long before they were all destroyed.

“Way to go Paulina” Swiss shouted as they began to approach Uranus. “Finally…… we’re here….. Look I can see Apple Man!”

And it was true right at the edge of Uranus’s atmosphere Apple man was entering Uranus’s atmosphere. Below the clouds they could begin to see a faint golden glow.

“Shit he’s going to get the Apple! Step on it Paulina!”

“On it!”

The DEXM 2.0 began to go at hyper speeds the stars blurring around them. Fred and Swiss held on for dear life as flames crackled around the DEXM 2.0. They were entering Uranus thrusting right into it at lightning speeds.

They broke through the clouds.

The finale had just begun.


	30. APPLE MAN

Crashing down through the clouds the group screams as they crash down through the clods. Crackles of electricity could be heard all around them as the storms within Uranus churn like the violent innards of a man after eating a mach Pizza pizza. Eventually Swiss had the bright idea to use Telekinesis to stop them from hitting the ground so hard which helped out a litle bit but not that much. They hit the surface of Uranus with a wet smack sending particles every which way around them.

The lights inside teh DEXM 2.o went out solenmly as the last of Nesss soul disipatted from the world. Shedding a single tear Swiss clutched his fists and kicked open the door, instantly they were hit with a wave of icy coldness that permeated thier clothes and made them shiver, even Fred who had on his leather jacket.

“Damn its cold as fuck out here,” Fred said as his teeth clackling together. “Let’s hurry up and stop Apple fucker before we freeze to death.”

“Stop me? I’ve already won!”

Looking up above them with scowls they saw Apple Man still hovering on his platform. In the palm of his meaty palm was the last piece of the Apple of enlightenment shining like an enlightened fruit. Suddenly Swiss and Paulina began to lose hope as Apple Guy chorteled.

“Too late cucklets! Ive got the last segment and as soon as I connect it with the rest of the apple you can kiss your sweet cheeks goodbye, especially yours Paulina.” Apple Man liked his lips as he plucked the main Apple from his asschecks. “Slowly he prepared to dramatically insert the last peace into the main apple.”

Suddenly Fred lunged forth swishing his switchblade all around. He aimed for Apple Man’s throat preparing to creating a bloody river across it but his hover platform just dodged. Moments later a gun turret popped out of the bottom and fired. The bullet pierced Fred through the skull as it had done to Ness and Porky.

“FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Wow that was fucking pathetic,” Apple guy commented. “Like seriously did you not think that through. Now your dead as an old man’s dick and you have no one to blame but yourself for it. Jeff would be ashamed.” He cuckled preparing to insert the apple into the apple.

However Fred’s body did not falter. Instead it stood strong as blood leked from the bullet wound on his forehead. Swiss and Paulina waited with bated breathe for something to happen.

“What’s fucking pathetic is how quickly you jump to conclusions.” Suddenly Fred lunged forth this time snatching the Apple piece from Apple Man’s hands and chucking it far into the distance. Apple guy’s eyes nearly pooped out of his head as he watched Fred somehow move despite having been shot in the face by a .50 mm bullet (which is really strong).

“My old man didnt make me like a normal human,” Fred said wiping the blood off of his cheeks. “I am a killing machine designed to end lives. The ultimate murderer. My weakness wouldnt be in such an obvious place you smegma slurping cum gargler!!!!!”

He summoned his PK Pistol Omega and prepared to blow Apple Man out of the sky. “NOW DIE YOU FUCKING GLOB OF WASTED SPERM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Obvious place? Oh yeah that’s right” Apple Man readjusted his gun turret and shot Fred in the dick. Instantly he fell to the ground dead. “Jeff was always a bit of pervert. I think he got it from Tony, that enormous f*agg*ot.”

Swiss and Paulina screamed as their best friend’s soul prepared to leave his body. However before passing on to the afterlight he whispered one last thing. “Alright pussies I just bought you a chance to save everything, dont blow or you be blowing a dick-cheese covered dick. And you’ll die two. OK now Im going to the afterlight now with Ness and Rainbow Jesus, don’t waste this opportunity!”

With that Fred passed on. And now the race was on.

Swiss and Paulina used PK Sprint (costing 25 PP) to blast off in the direction of the Apple piece. Apple Man shited his mech platform into maximum overdrive and took off after them. It was not long before they were all neck and neck sprinting and rocketing after the apple that Fred had thrown.

“Paulina we need to stop him from getting theyre first! If we can do that we wont have to beat him, we can just erase him from existance!” Swiss shouted. With a nod Paulina nodded and began firing PK Burst blasts at Apple Man. The fat bastard somehow swerved around them retalating with a gatting gun spraying more bullets than my grandpa in Vietnam. Swiss deflecting them with his Shield lobbed a Starstrike at Apple Man. Smirking the evil inventor pulled out an eraser shaped object and aimed it at the stars causing them to disappear instantly.

“Thought I wouldnt think of that? Guess again ass dripings! My PSI Eraser totally counters you!” Apple Man fired a whole bunch of bombs at the two as they ran forth. Swiss jumped up and began batting them away sending them flying back into Apple Man. He was so surprised that he almost crapped himself a little.

“Thought we wouldnt think of that? Guess again penis gobbler!..... I mean jerk! Man Fred really rubbed off on me…. Not like that though.” Giggling at Swiss’s red checks Paulina vaulted off of Swiss’s shoulders and used PK Paralysis on Apple Man. Immediatley his body went frozen and so without anyone to pilet it the rocket platform went crashing into Uranus.

“Heck yeah, now we can get the Apple in piece!” Swiss remarked as the Apple piece appeared in their vision. However suddenly Apple Man came rocketing forth a rocket jetpack strapped to his back. He flung a middle finger at the siblings and gave a razberry.

“Anti-Paralysis device! Did you forget that Im a fucking genius???” Apple Man pulled out a glock and aimed for Swiss’s forehead. However Swiss somehow used PK Pistol and shot a PSI bullet into the muzle of the gun causing it to blow up in Apple Guy’s face.

“Wow Fred really did rub off on you, just like Chang did.” Paulina commented. Swiss continued to blush confirming his sister’s hunch that he was indeed bisexual.

“There’s no time to think about that Paulina, the apple is right there!” And indeed it was just a mere few feet in front of them. Swiss and Paulina reached out to grab it.

“NOT YET, IM NOT DONE YET ASSHOLES!!!!!!” Apple Man flew forth and reached out too.

They were mere fingertips away from the peace.


	31. ENLIGHTENMENT

“GOTCHA!!!!!”

In an instant Swiss and Paulina’s hearts sink in to they’re stomachs. Apple Man’s fingers wrapped around the last peace of the Apple of Enlightenment snatching it away from them. They go falling into the cold soil of Uranus as Apple Man cackles wildly rising into the air.

“Nice try fuckeroos! In the end, I was destined to be the victor here today!” Swiss and Paulina looked up at the sky their eyes tearing up. Apple Man’s imposing figure swirled in their vision as the gravirty of there situation became abundently clear to them. “Now before anything else can go wrong……..”

Apple Man insterted the last piece of apple into the Apple. A huge blinding gold flash of golden light shone across the alien landscape as rays of gold shone on Apple Man’s face. The Apple of Enlightenment was complete, and it’s time controlling powers were restored.

“Yes…… I’ve waited so long for this! So many fucking days!!!! But now, my reality will come to pass! I will be the god of this universe, the overlord of time forever and ever!” Apple Man laughed and laughed flinging spit all over the place.

“You horrible monster…. How? How did you end up this way??” Paulina muttered. Even at the end of the world, she remained really cute.

“Oh, you poor thing”. Apple Man said with a smirk. “I guess I should ‘enlighten’ you of a few things before I wipe you from time for good! Listen up, Paulina. Or… should I say….. Daughter?”

Before the siblings could process what had just been said Apple Man reached under his neck beard and begun to pull. Suddenly his face scruntched up as if it were made of rubber. Thats because it was, Apple Man’s face had been a mask this entire time. In a matter of moments the true mastermind was revealed throwing his disguise on the ground.

It was Pokey Minch.

“Surprised? Confused? GOOD” Porky laughed as he pressed a button on his overalls. The crashed rocket platform abruptly sprouted spider legs and walked to his location allowing him to fly back down to it and standing on it. “Yep, thats right! I was behind everything, behind this whole frivilous adventure! I orchestrated your step and you fell into my palm perfectly! You weaking stinkling loser baby shitlings! Spankety Spankey spanktey!”

“P-p-p--p-p-p-p-p-pPORKY?!!!! BUT HOW???!?!?!?!” Swiss and Paulina both screamed.

“The truth is that Apple Kid has been dead for fifteen years” Porky leaned against the railing of his new spider mech and smirked. “After Lord Giygas got murked by the hands of that retard Ness I killed that Apple idiot and stole his tech. I also kidnapped Doctor Andonuts too, although he served more than one purpose,” he said liking his lips “but thats besides the point. Anyway with all of that high technology I began planning my revenge. My plan was to use the Apple of Enlightenment to go back and time and kill Ness and his fuck squad before they could take down Giygas so that I could continue using that all mighty dumbass to my advantage. Yeah that’s right, I never wanted to help poor people at all, FUCK THE IMPOVERISHED! However I wanted to have a little fun with things. I didnt want to kill Ness, I wanted him to SUFFER. So I traveled to this time and set up a perfect recreation of the events of EarthBound. Yes that’s right, I retold the story of EarthBound again but with even stupider chucklefucks at the helm. And hey it was super entertaining, mission accomplished! But Ive had my fun now, so it looks like you too are fucked either way.”

“This entire adventure was…… PLANNED?” Swiss muttered unable to comprehend everything that had been told to him. “But what about the Porky that died at the beginning of the story??? Was he set up too?”

“Oh no, that was just a me from a future where I ended up an unsuccessful failure of a main antagonist. It made me cringe so hard I had to put him out of his misery.” Porky pretended to gag unintentionally actually throwing up over the side of the mech. “So yeah that wasn’t accounted for, but it worked out anyway”

“Daughter….. What do you mean by DAUGHTER? ANSWER ME YOU SACK OF SHIT” Paulina was in a complete state of disarray.”

A wide evil grin appeared on Porky’s face. “Oh Paulina, you adorable little munchkin. You were never the child of Ness and Paula. You were the child of ME AND PAULA! That’s right, I fucked your mom while she was on her period and planted my seed in her fertile garden! I blew up all of the abortion clinics in Onett and she couldnt tell Ness to teleport her anywhere so she lied and told Ness he impregnated her. BUT THAT WAS A LIE! HOW ABOUT THAT, NESS YOU JUST GOT FUCKING CUCKED BY YOUR WORST ENEMY YOU BIG IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!” Porky laughed until he started crying.

“So this whole time we were never actually true sublings… we were half-siblings.” Swiss and Paulina turned and hugged each other. Porky clapped his hands together in fake wholesomeness.

“Aw that’s so cute, NOT! Paulina even though you’re my kid I still want you gone, I understand now that I should have practiced safe sex when banging your busty milf mom and when I go back in time to do it again I’ll keep that in mind. So fuck you, even if you are cute!” Porky held up the apple rising into the air. From its golden light a golden portal appeared opening the way into the time stream. “Its time to fuck with time, so see you idiots later! Oh and as a parting gift.”

Porky used the gun turret on the spider mech to shoot Swiss in the throat. Blood gushed everywhere soaking Paulina’s face and everything under that. She let out an unearthly scream as Porky (formerly Apple Man) disappeared into the portal.

Swiss fell to the ground but he wasnt dead yet. Paulina grabbed his shirt and screamed and cried and screamed some more but all Swiss could do was cough and die. Weakly he tapped his temple suggesting that the two should talk telepathically, and so they did.

“Swiss… are you going to be alright” Paulina thought to him.

“No…. PK Lifeup can’t deal with this…….. Im good as gone….” Swiss thought back as Paulina cried even harder.

“But Swiss, Im lost without you, you were the shining sun in my blue skies. I loved you so much, maybe even more than a brother and sister should….. Are you really going to leave me after everything we did together?”

Swiss began to cry two. “Yes I am…. I cant stop it Paulina. But you can…. Stop Porky I mean. The portal is still opened. You still have a fighting chance to win the day and save the universe from total domination. Like I’m talking complete raw dogging without lube you know.”

“Yeah I do…….” But I can’t do it alone!” Paulina thought sobbing. “You and Fred and Chang and dad…. You were the reason I got this far but I cant do it now that you’re all dead!”

“Yes you can, you just have to believe…. To pray…. But not to Rainbow Jesus, to someone higher than that. You could almost say…. The one reading this story right now. They’re power will give you the power you need ok?”

Paulina nodded her head and began to pray. Somewhere, someone recognized her plea and prayed back. T__________ kept praying. The ______ kept preying. The Read___ kept praying. The Reader prayed as hard as they could.

Suddenly Paulina felt herself completely invigorating with power. It was a power unlike that of PSI power, a purer rawer form of total power that completely invigorated her. Instantly all of her stats increased to 999 and she gained the power of PK FINALE, the ultimate PK move.

“Good….. Thanks for that Paulina. Now give your brother one last gift.” Swiss puckered his lips. Paulina puckered hers and bent over. Together they shared a shining kiss that illuminated all of Uranus. Even the people back at Earth could see it. Up above Ness and Fred and everyone else who had died smile warmly.

“Alright cool, thanks again. Now….. DO THIS THING, SIS!”

With that last thought Swiss passed on, his body utterly dead.

Drying her tears Paulina turned and leapt into the portal.


	32. FATHER VS DAUGHTER

Landing on her feet Paulina touchs the ground of the etheral time realm. Looking all around she sees endless golden planes and large clocklike structures with huge ticking clock hands moving around and around in circles seemingly at random. In between them are other portals similar to the one she had hopped through showing different points in time. Gasping she realizes that she recognizes some of them. The battle with Master Brap, destroying oil rigs in Dusty Dunes, fighting the Elder Kraken, seeing Chang’s head get cut off, storming the APL building, and just a moment ago when Porky killed Fred and Swiss. A tear fell from her eye as her entire adventure flashing before her eyes. To think that it was all rigged from the start.

“Oh your coming after me?” Paulina turned to see Porky on his spider mech tossing the Apple of enlightenment up and down in his fat hand. “Well then welcome to the timespace! This is the area between time where physics don’t exist and time obviously doesn’t not either! It’s the perfect place for one last battle!” Cuckling Porky slid the Apple into his overall pocket and grabbed the controls of the spider mech.

Paulina assumed a fighting stance and put on an angery face. “Porky….. Just so you know you’ll never be my father. You might be my dad but you will NEVER be my father. My father will always Ness and nothing will change that even if you erase me from time.”

“Oh what’s that? Sorry I couldn’t hear you over the word on the wind which is SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Porky snarled sounding more like a dog with down snydrome than a human. “Your my finest creation yet the one I regret the most! Paulina youve been a very bad girl, and you know what happens when daddy’s little kitten is bad right?” 

He grinned exposing rancid teeth. “SHE GETS PUNISHED!!!!!!!! NOW COME HERE SO I CAN SPANK THAT PRETTY ASS OF YOURS!!!!!!!!!”

And just like that the final battle begun. Paulina started out by firing a bunch of PK Burst as Porky causing huge explosions to shot up into the air. Porky retaliating by firing tons of missiles filling the gold sky with warhheads. They came crashing down making even more explosions but a Shield Beta from Paulina (12 PP) put a stop to any damage she couldve taken. Suddenly she felt a weird power surge deep within her and behind her she thought she heard someone whisper into her ear like a creap.

“A little gift from me to you, now kick this piece of shit into next week!” It was Fred’s voice

Suddenly in Paulina’s hand was a psychic rocket launcher, Fred’s signature move PK Pistol Omega. Smiling she launchd PSI missiles at Porky doing a bit of damage to his mech. He shot out lots of lasers to try and cut up Paulina but she was too quick for that. She continued to blast his ass with rockets until one his mech legs came falling off.

“Damn youre actually kind of annoying,” Porky said growling, “Looks like I’ll have to bust out my secret technique! Are you ready….. TO GET ASS-BLASTED???”

Porky ripped off his overalls exposing his bare butt which shone in the golden light like two peeks made of flesh. As Paulina cringed at his two inch penis he whirled around and spread his ass, exposing his anus. Moments later a litteral shitstorm came flying out blasting Paulina with diarrhea driplets and stinky gas.

“AUUGGHHHH” Paulina gagged and threw up as the smell thretened to knock her out. While she convulsed Porky put his pants back on and ran up and gored her through the stomach with his mech tosssing her into the distance. Paulina landed with a thunk as she vomited blood and regular vomit from the smell.

“BAHAHAHA! Did you think Master Brap came up wih that on his own??? No he learned it from the best, ME!” Porky guffawed as Paulina nearly suffocated on the smell. As she was about to pass out from the pain she heard another voice behind her.

“Don’t give up kid! We’re all counting on you!” Though she had not known him for long she recognized the sound of Mr. Everdred’s voice. Suddenly her wounds disappeared completely along with all of the shit that stained her. However Porky continued to laugh like the oblivious douche that he was, so taking her opportunity Paulina ran up and delivered a fierce kick to his gut sending him flying back into the railing of the mech.

“Oh so you wanna fight hand to hand now eh? Cool, now I can make like my mom and BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!” Porky charged forward swinging his fists wilding but Paulina was able to dodge and punch his back easily. However he quickly reached forth and grabbed her hand slamming her to the metal. Porky prepared to sit on her face but rolled out of the way just in time to deliver a powerful kick to Porky’s nutsack. Looks like he wont be having any more kids any time soon.

As Paulina chuckling at that thought Porky headbutted her cute head and knocked her flat on her ass. Before she could get up he hopped on top of her nearly crushing her petite form. Paulina gagged and choked for breath but Porky’s girth was simply too great. Cacking he reached into his pants and pulled out something long and heavy. His glock.

“Nighty night princess, let daddy read you a bed time story! Or should I say a LED TIME STORY!!!!” Porky cocked the gun and pulled the trigger. However nothing came out. In that moment Paulina heard a voice behind her.

“I didn’t get to help you out much during our adventure, but I’ll gladly help you out here! Win the day, Paulina!” As Chang’s voice went away Paulina found herself filled with even more power. From above stars began to rain down. As bright bursts battered the battlefield Porky was sniped by a psychic star sending him flying away. Smirking Paulina used PK Jump Omega (6 PP) to chase after him and deliver a hoof kick to his stomach. Porky went rocketed downward to the ground where he landed with a crash coughing up tons of blood. Paulina came stomping down on his gut making him wheeze ever more.

“Are you done yet? Can we end this madness already???” she spat. However Porky merely laughed slowly rising to his feet.

“God damn, you’ve really grown Paulina” he said wiping his mouth. “I remember when you first got psychic powers, Paula looked so proud, but I was even prouder. Know why? Because I was the one who gave them to you”

Porky’s hair began to rise as a bright aura appeared on his body. He jutted his hand forward summoning PK Burst Omega to blow Paulina away. And away she was blown smashing into one of the huge clocks that scattered across the landscape. Porky gave her no time to recovered teleporting behind her and thrusting his fist deep inside her. Paulina spat blood as she hit another cock face. Porky teleported in front of her and wound up another punch but Paulina was prepared countering with a PK Burst directly to his nuts. Porky howled in pain but he was not done yet. Like airborn gods the two flew back and forth trading blow after blow in the sky blasting with explosions and everything else in the book. However eventually Paulina crashed to the ground utterly exhausted as Porky laughed at her.

“Finally tuckered out? Good, I’ll put you to bed for good!” Porky charging a final PK Burst laughed evilly as Paulina’s vision began to swirl.

Then she heard his voice.

“Paulina… you’ve really gotten your head handed to you huh?” It was the voice of Swiss “But you cant give up! Not yet! I’m going to give you one last push…… a single thrust of power into you so that you can save everything. Here it is sis….. My last power! Take it, and defeat Porky for good!”

Paulina’s body suddenly shown with intense light. It was so bright that not even Porky’s hair could save his eyes freom the powerful glow. His eyes began to water as he stumbled backward on to the golden ground. Paulina stood up with a smirk as her eyes glowed many rainbow colors.

“Porky…. Theres only one whos going to be punished now…. That one……. IS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Paulina sprinted forward and used PK Swing on Porky nocking him way up into the sky. Paulina teleported after him using another PK Swing followed by a PK Rockin and PK Burst. Porky’s arms and legs were blown off disintegrating into nothing but ash as his torso crashed clockfaces. Grinning Paulina ripped a clock hand off and gored Porky threw the chest causing blood to spew from his mouth. She chucked the clock hand down jamming into the ground preventing Porky from moving.

“NO, THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!!!” He said as Paulina began to walking toward him like a badass. “I WENT THROUGH SO MUCH, I BUILT HUGE ASS ROBOTS, I RESURRECTED MASTER BELCH AND TURNED HIM INTO SHIT, I PAID GERARDO MONTEGUE TO DIG OIL FOR ME, I HID THOSE DAMN ASS KEY CARDS ALL OVER THE WORLD TO MAKE YOU FUCKLERS RUN AROUND, I DUG THROUGH THE MOTHER 4 DISCORD TO FIND SHANE MESA, I DID EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! I CANT LOSE NOW!!!!!”

Porky looked up at Paulina sweating. “Paulina… you cant do this to your old man. If you kill me youll never forgive yourself, you wont! Trust me!”

“Yeah right.” Paulina scoffed as her aura grew even more intense. “Sorry Porky, but like I said your not my father. Youre just an asshole. It’s time to put you in your place.”

Porky screamed extremely loudly but Paulina’s eardrums were not damaged, the armless legless man squirmed as his inevitable doom approached.

“PAULINA YOU BLOOD PISSING CUNT LICKER, I SHOULD’VE NEVER FUCKED PAULAS BIG TITS!!!!” Porky’s life flashed before his eyes. He saw nothing but bad memories. “I HATE YOU PAULINA, DO YOU HEAR ME, I HATE YOUR GUTS, I SWEAR IF WE EVER MEET AGAIN ILL FUCKING BLOWN YOUR BRAINS ACROSS THE WALL, ILL”

But Porky could not finish his sentence as a wave of PSI energy bigger than any other enveloped his body. It was the power of PK Finale.

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK”

And just like that Porky was no more.


	33. EARTHBOUND AGAIN

Paulina lets out a sigh of relief thingking its all over. However that could not be farther from the truth as suddenly all around her the landscape began to get wavy. The clock faces started falling a part crumbling like stale cookies raining fragments across the landscape. Even the sky looked like it was about to split apart.

“PAULINA YOU EXTREME RETARD” From behind her she heard Porky’s voice shouting at her somehow even though he was dead. “YOU DESTROYED THE APLE WHILE YOU KILLED ME, NOW THE WHOLE TIMELINE IS FUCKED. ITS GOING TO FALL APART ANYTIME NOW. WHOSE THE REAL BAD GUY HERE? ANYWAY I HOPE YOU GET RAPED BY THE RIFT COLLAPSE LIKE THE TARD TIGGLER YOU ARE, NOW IM GOING TO CHILL IN HELL. PEACE” 

Even though he was her enemy it seemed what Porky said had some validty. The timeline was indeed collapsing and if she did not GTFO of there (get the fuck out of ther) then she would be toast. Panicing she flung her head around looking for anyway to get out of that nightmare. Then she saw it. A lone time portal in the distance guarded by clock hands falling apart. It was a risky gamble but it was her only shot of getting out of there alive. So with that in mind she casted PK Sprint for the final time and took off out of there.

Paulina dodged crumbling ruins as she made her way to the whole. Before long the ground began to disappear fading into black nothingness, it almost reminded her of Porky’s heart. The ground was going fast making her estimate that she had about thirty seconds before total timeline collapse. Not deterred she continued forth making sure not to slip and fall into the void.

When twenty seconds remained a piece of cock hand fell on her arm slicing it clean off. She wailed the pain almost too intense for her but she kept going using PK Jump to leep through some debris. At fifteen seconds she was donked in the head by a piece of time metal but she kept going. At just ten seconds left her leg was sliced clean open by a peace of time glass but she still kept going. She knew that if she stopped her fate would be far worse.

Five seconds remained, she was almost there. Behind her the black void came ever closer swallowing up the gold like Porky swallowing a pool of donkey cum. That was a bad mental image but she kept going.

Four seconds. She reached out with her remaining arm.

Three seconds, she felt the cold darkness on her neck.

Two seconds the portal was just a few feet away.

Then finally with just one second left Paulina lept through the portal as it closed like a puckering butthole. With that she was free from the collapsed timeline, free from her horrible father, free from the misery of her fruitless adventure.

 

It was a picturresque day in the town of Onett Eagleland. Two kids played in the front yard of a hose far up on a hill. One of them was a boy wearing a blue baseball cap and a yellow backpack and the other was a cute girl wearing a pink dress who’s long blond hair was tied in a long ponytail. The cute teenage girl laughed as rays of sunshine shone on her face, iluminating it.

“Catch Swiss!” the girl says to her borther.

 

“You got it Paulina!” the boy repleid. Paulina threw a baseball to Swiss who caught it with ease.

“Wow, your a pro!” the adorable Paulina said with a cute giggle.

“I know. I am dads son after all.” Swiss tossed the ball into the air several times confidence oozing from his face.

“You defiantly are my son!” A man steped out of the house. His hair was black, and he wor a black suit with a striped yellow and blue tie. It was Ness, the hero who had saved the world from the evil Gyigas many years ago. Now the only thing he was fighting were the constant barage of paperworks that his boss through at him.

“Do you still have your pro baseball skills dad? Lets find out! Catch” Swiss reared back and threw the ball at Ness, who caught it with ease.

“Ha ha, nice one son, but you’re pitch needs work.” Ness walkeded over and gave his son a pat on the head. Then he steped over and gave his cute daughter a wet kiss on the face.

The kiss of her dad brought her old memories barreling back. Suddenly Paulina realized what had happened. She felt like crying. She was back with her family after everything. However she remained her composure. She could not let Swiss and Ness know of the trauma they had endured in that past life. That was in the past now. Porky was gone and so was the Apple of Enlightenment. There was no adventures to be had, no deaths to die, no tears to shed. Things were absolutely normal and nothing would change that.

“I think your pitch is great Swiss, dont listen to your father.” A blonde woman came from the house, wearing a pink dress and a red hair bow. Her D-cup breasts bounced generously as she walked toward the group with a smile. It was Paula, one of the children who had accompained Ness to kill Giygas. She had grown quite a bit since then, and she had given berth to two wonderful kids, one of which was especially cute.

“Hey honey, I’m heading to work now. Give me a goodby kiss.” Ness started toward Paula but he tripped, landing firmly between her succulent bazongers.

“Oh Ness! Not until bedtime, sweetie~”

Ness blushed and lauged as he plucked himself from between Paula’s boobs. “Geez Paula, not in front of the kids. But oh yes I can’t wait for tonight.” Ness laughed again but he soon stopped. Above him, a bright light appeared. From it a big gray sphere appeared, gleamin in the sun. It slowly came to the groudn, landing with a thunk.

From the grey sphere came Porky in a new spider mech with missile launchers on its sides and his Pigmask colonols. “Sup Ness, I’m back for revenge!” Porky said.

“Porky! Why did you come back, and why are you… old.” Ness didn’t take the time to wiat for an answer. He poped open his briefcase which contained his old bat dissassembled into two pieces.

“I just told you why Im here idiot, I want revenge for what you did to me!” Porky stuffed some chips in his mouth. “I think Ill take your little kids and make them into robot slaves, just like my last one! Especially your cute daughter.” Porky liked his lips.

“Like hell you will! I’ve been wanting to kick you’re fat ass again!” Paula busted out a frying pan. Swiss took defensive stances as well.

“Spankety spankty spanktey! Here I come losers!”

And then Paulina screamed. It was like a nightmare come true. She had not escaped after all. She had merely created a horrible time loop that was impossible to escape. For the rest of her days she would be forced to do battle with Porky and his army of bullshit. She was cursed to watch her family and friends die over and over like flies dropping to the ground. Forever she would be haunted by images of that glowing apple hovering above her head. And there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.

So with tears falling from her eyes, Paulina put up her hands.

The adventure had begun anew. It was EarthBound Again… again.


End file.
